Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed: Part 3

This article is Part 3 of a series about overcoming guilt and shame about feeling depressed.  Part 1 and Part 2 of this series introduced the topic by discussing the symptoms and common misconceptions about major depression and how these misconceptions can create or exacerbate shame and guilt.

Overcoming Depression:  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

Fear of Showing a Vulnerable Emotional Side Can Lead to Guilt and Shame in People Who Are Depressed

Many people who feel guilt and shame about being depressed feel that they're the only ones who feel this way.

Often this occurs because they feel too vulnerable emotionally to talk about their depression and they isolate themselves from others who could be helpful to them.  

Many people who are depressed are also painfully aware that, despite all we know these days about depression and brain chemistry, a stigma about depression and mental health problems in general still exists among certain people who aren't informed about depression.

Men who are depressed were often raised to feel that "big boys don't cry" and they need to be "strong" when they're men.  The implication is that to be considered "strong," they can't show their more emotional or vulnerable side, and they especially can't show that they're feeling depressed.

Women who are depressed, especially women who are in male-dominated professions (like law enforcement, medicine, engineering and so on) often get the message that if they want to excel in their profession, they have to "act like men," which means that, like men, they also shouldn't show their more vulnerable side and they shouldn't reveal that they're depressed.

Feeling Depressed and Alone: Social Isolation

People who feel depressed often isolate themselves from others, especially when they're at the point when they can't pretend any more to be happy around others because it's just too emotionally and physically exhausting.

Social isolation often makes people who are feeling depressed feel worse because they're not getting the  emotional support they could be getting from loved ones who could be helpful.

Social isolation can also make them feel that they're the only ones who have ever felt depressed which, of course, isn't true.

Getting Help in Therapy

Educating yourself about depression and becoming aware of the symptoms are the first steps in getting help.

If you've tried on your own to overcome depression and you haven't succeeded, continuing to feel ashamed and guilty will only make your situation worse.

It's important to seek out the help of a licensed mental health professional who can help you to overcome depression as soon as possible. 

A licensed mental health professional can help you to overcome depression so that you can lead a more fulfilling life.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Depression: Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed - Part 2

In my prior article,  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed - Part 1, I began this discussion by discussing the most common depression that people experience.

Depression:  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

In this article, I'm focusing on how guilt and shame about feeling depressed is often based on misconceptions about depression and how these misconceptions can get in the way of your recovering from depression.  Some of these misconceptions are popular in our Western culture.

Let's start by looking at some of the misconceptions about depression.

Misconceptions About Depression:

• If people really want to overcome depression, all they need to do is "snap out of it" to feel better.
• If people are depressed, they don't want to feel better.
• If people who are depressed just "stayed busy," they'd stop feeling depressed.
• People who are depressed aren't trying hard enough to get better.
• People who are depressed have "no reason" to be depressed.
• Other people, who have it worse, aren't depressed.
• People who are depressed have only themselves to blame for their depression.
• People who are depressed are "lazy."
• People who are depressed are "failures."
• People who say they're depressed are just trying to get attention.
• People who are depressed are self centered.
• There's no such thing as depression.  There are only people who say they're depressed and who are faking it.
• You're life is good--what do you have to be depressed about?

I'm sure you could come up with many other misconceptions about depression and people who are depressed.

The point is that these misconceptions, whether they're coming from the person who is depressed or people around him or her, serve to exacerbate the depression and often cause the person who is depressed to feel guilty and shamed.

Depression:  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

If you're feeling depressed, blaming yourself will only make you feel worse.

Becoming aware that these ideas are misconceptions is the first step in overcoming guilt and shame about feeling depressed.

If your loved ones are the ones who are talking to you about your depression by trying to convince you about one or more of these common misconceptions, you need to take care of yourself and stop giving credence to these ideas.

Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

If you're the one who is engaging in negative self talk about your depression, be aware that you're doing the equivalent of kicking yourself while you're down.

You need to recognize these thoughts for the distorted thoughts that they are and get professional help from a licensed mental health professional.

In my next article, Part 3, I'll continue this discussion.

Getting Help in Therapy
In the meantime, if you or someone you love is suffering with depression, it's important to take it seriously and seek help from a licensed mental health professional as soon as possible.

Getting Help in Therapy

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see:  Depression: Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed - Part 3

Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed - Part 1

It's not unusual for people who are feeling depressed to feel guilty and ashamed about their depression, as if they're to blame for their depression and they remain depressed because they want to feel this way.

Depression:  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

For many people, who are depressed, this is one of the most frustrating aspects of depression.

Unfortunately, these feelings are often unwittingly reinforced by well-meaning friends and family members who make tactless comments to the person who is depressed, like "Why don't you just snap out of it?" or "Why are you depressed--do you want to feel this way?" or "You don't have any reason to feel depressed" and other similar comments.

We also live in a society that is sustained by the myth that everyone, no matter what's going on with him or her, "should pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and overcome their problems on their own, and if they can't, they're "weak" (see my article:  Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak").

What is Depression?
At some point, anyone can feel "blue," but that's different from being depressed, so before we go any further, let's define depression.

The most common form of depression is major depression, which affects a significant percentage of the population at any given time.

The symptoms of major depressive disorder, as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), can include five or more of the following symptoms for at least two weeks or more where at least one symptom is depressed mood or loss of interest and pleasure:

• depressed mood most of the day and nearly everyday
• a significant decrease in interests or activities that were once pleasurable
• a significant decrease in appetite and weight loss 
• insomnia or oversleeping almost every day
• agitation
• fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• feeling worthless or excessively guilty
• feeling helpless or hopeless
• problems with concentration or indecisiveness
• recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation or suicide attempt or specific plan

To be considered major depression, the source of these symptoms cannot be otherwise accounted for by a general medical condition.

Depression:  Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed

In my next article, I'll continue discussing this topic.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you think you're depressed, especially if you're having thoughts about suicide, you're not alone and you should get help from a licensed mental health professional as soon as possible.

Many people who have suffered with depression have been able to recover from their depression in therapy with a licensed psychotherapist who has expertise in this area.

If you're unsure about how to go about finding a psychotherapist, see my article:  How to Choose a Psychotherapist.

Depression:  Getting Help in Therapy

If you're close to someone who is feeling depressed, you can help your loved one, who might feel too hopeless and helpless to seek help, by helping him or her to find a qualified therapist in your area (see my article: Are You Concerned About Your Husband's Depression?)

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.

Also, see:  Depression: Overcoming Guilt and Shame About Feeling Depressed - Part 2.