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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Trying to Avoid the Emotional Pain of a Breakup By Having the Next Romance in the Wings

There are many people who start casting an eye around for the next romance as their current relationship is ending.  They prefer to have a new person in the wings so they can begin a new relationship just as the current one ends.  

Why Do People Seek Out a New Romance as the Current Relationship is Ending?
There are lots of reasons why people want to have the next romance in the wings when they're going through a breakup, and many of those reasons are fear based:

Fear of Being Alone
Some people seek out someone new immediately because they're afraid of being alone.  To them, being alone often means they're undesirable.  They like to go from one relationship to the next without ever being single, if possible.

Fear of Dealing with the Emotional Pain of the Heartbreak
Related to fear of being alone, many people don't want to deal with the emotional pain of the breakup.  Rather than deal with painful emotions, they want to immerse themselves in a new relationship to avoid feeling the pain.

Fear of Dealing with the Emotional Pain of the Heartbreak
You Can Run, But You Can't Hide
While it's understandable that no one wants to feel the emotional pain of a breakup, thinking that you can avoid the pain completely by seeking out someone new is an illusion.

You Can Run, But You Can't Hide From Painful Emotions
Running from the problem isn't the answer.  You might distract yourself for a while with someone new, but pushing down the emotional pain from the breakup will just cause it to manifest in other ways, including physical ailments (headaches, stomach problems, body aches, etc).

In addition, whether you realize it or not, you bring your old emotional baggage from the current relationship into the new relationship.

Learning to Cope With Emotional Pain Can Make You More Resilient
As much as we hope to avoid dealing with emotional pain in life, including the pain of a breakup, learning to cope with emotional pain, rather than trying to avoid it, is part of emotional development.

While you're going through the pain, it can feel awful.  But, usually, while you're recovering from the loss, you can learn a lot about yourself, relationships and life's lessons.

After you've healed, you usually realize that you can cope with a lot more than you might have realized, and you don't need to distract yourself with a new relationship, a drink, a drug, gambling or other potential emotional numbing activities.

Healing From Heartbreak and Building Resilience to Deal With Life's Inevitable Challenges
Once you've recovered from your loss, having gone through the emotional pain, you often become more resilient and better able to deal with the next challenge in life.

Healing From Heartbreak and Building Resilience
Just knowing that you were able to cope with the pain and you got through it, as painful as it might have been, can give you more confidence to deal with future adversity, which is unavoidable in life.

Getting Help
Everyone needs help at some point in his or her life.

If you find that you're having a difficult time coping with a breakup on your own or even with your emotional support network, you could benefit from seeking the help of a licensed psychotherapist, who can help you to work through the healing process.

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and  Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples, and I've helped many people through the emotional healing process.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (212) 726-1006 or you can email me at:  josephineolivia@aol.com.

You can subscribe for free to my online psychotherapy newspaper:  
Psychotherapy Daily News - by Josephine Ferraro, LCSW


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