Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life

In prior articles, I've discussed the challenges of making changes in your life--even changes that you really want. 

See my articles: 

Fear of Change

Standing at the Crossroad: Fear of Making Major Life Decisions

Overcoming Resistance to Change  

Making Changes: One Step at a Time, Preparing Emotionally For Major Changes in Your Life

Developing the Courage to Change

In this article, I'm focusing on overcoming emotional obstacles that get in the way of making the changes that you want.

Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life

Change is inevitable in life--both wanted and unwanted change.  While it may be logical to you why you resist making changes that you don't want, it might not be so obvious why you're struggling to make changes that you do want.

Let's take a look at some of the most common obstacles to making changes:

Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life

• Unresolved Emotional Issues:  Unresolved emotional issues from childhood often get in the way of making changes.  If you have a longstanding belief that you're undeserving or incapable of having good things in your life, you're going to be in conflict with yourself about making changes that you want.  Similarly, if you feel powerless because of unresolved trauma, you will probably struggle to take the initiative to bring about change (see my articles: Understanding Why You're Affected By Trauma From a Long Time Ago and Overcoming Trauma: When the Past is in the Present,  ).

• Negative Habits:  Unresolved emotional issues often develop into negative habits like: negative self talk, procrastination, disorganization and other similar habits.  These negative habits become so ingrained that it's often difficult for you to see them.  Even when you see them and want to change them, it can very challenging.  For example, if you grew up feeling that you don't deserve positive things in your life, one of your habits might be an internal critic that continues to reinforce these thoughts and feelings.  After a while, these thoughts and emotions can become beliefs that are hard to challenge (see my article:  Overcoming Habitual Negative Thinking and Making Changes: Overcoming the Inner Voice of Negative Prediction).

• Negative People in Your Life:  Whether they're family members or friends, negative people in your life who reinforce your unresolved emotional issues and negative habits make it harder for you to change.  When you have negative people around you reinforcing the negative beliefs that you have about yourself, you're struggling with both internal and external challenges (see my article: Your Family Might Not Be Supportive of the Changes You're Making in Your Life and Letting Go of an Unhealthy Friendship).

So, if these are the main obstacles to making changes, how do you overcome these obstacles?  Let's take a look:

Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life

• Step Back From Your Unresolved Problems and Become Aware of Their Effect on You:  If you've grown up with certain negative beliefs about yourself, you might not even question whether they're true or not.  That's why it's so important to step back so you can become aware of how unresolved problems, especially longstanding problems, are affecting you.  Awareness and acknowledgement are the first steps.  This isn't about blaming your parents or yourself--it's about trying to be more objective.  And, once you've become aware of your problems and acknowledge them, consider whether there are things you can do now to try to resolve them (see my articles: Getting to Know the Only Person You Can Change: Yourself and Looking at Your Childhood Trauma From an Adult Perspective).

• Be Honest With Yourself About Negative Habits:  Once you've gained some insight into your problems, be honest with yourself about the negative habits that you've developed due to your unresolved problems.  For instance, do you tend to procrastinate when you're fearful of undertaking a certain task or goal?  Does the negative voice inside your head convince you that it's not worth making the effort because you're only going to fail, so why even try?  Once again, this isn't about blame--its about acknowledging what is and trying to find a way to change it.  Maybe you can choose one negative habit that you would like to change and work on that rather than trying to change all your negative habits at once (see my articles: Overcoming Procrastination, Overcoming the "I'm Too Old To Change" Mindset and Changing Coping Strategies That No Longer Work For You: Passive Behavior).

• Re-evaluate the Negative People in Your Life:  When you think about who you let into your inner circle, do you have a lot of people who are reinforcing your already negative views about yourself?  In some ways, maybe you feel comfortable with these negative people because they reinforce your already negative views and also reinforce your propensity not to take risks.  But making changes often involves taking certain risks, so be honest with yourself as to how these people are affecting you.  This doesn't mean that you have to get rid of these people from your life (although you might decide to do that).  It could also mean that maybe they're not in the inner circle, and you include supportive people in your inner circle instead.

But you might take these steps and still feel like you're stuck in a rut (see my articles: Getting Out of a Rut - Part 1 and Getting Out of a Rut - Part 2: Taking Steps).  Then what?

It's possible that you might have unconscious thoughts and feelings that are getting in your way.  Since these thoughts and feelings are unconscious, it's hard to detect them on your own.  You might get glimpses of them in your dreams or even in your daydreams, but most of the time they will elude you (see my article: What Unconscious Decisions Have You Made That Are Impacting Your Life?).

Getting Help in Therapy
When you're trying to overcome obstacles to making changes in your life and you're unable to do it on your own, you could benefit from working with a skilled psychotherapist who has experience helping people to overcome these obstacles, especially ones that you're not aware of because they're unconscious (see my articles: The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life: Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled therapist can help you to identify these obstacles and provide you with the tools to overcome them.

Rather than struggling on your own, getting help in therapy can help you to make positive changes in your life so that you can lead a happier and more meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome the obstacles that are keeping them from maximizing their potential.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Get Out of a Rut - Part 2: Taking Steps

In my prior article, I began the discussion about getting out of a rut by defining what it is and what it's not as well as some of the common reasons why people get into ruts in their lives.

Taking Steps to Get Out of a Rut

In this article, I'm focusing on some tips that might be helpful to get out of a rut (see my article: Recapturing a Sense of Aliveness).

Since everyone is different, you might find some of these tips more helpful than others and, as I mentioned in my prior article, what might appear like being in a rut might actually be a more serious psychological problem that requires professional help.

For now, let's focus on some of the things that you might be able to do to get yourself out of a rut so you have more of a sense of well-being in your life.

Since many people are afraid that it would take too big an effort to make this kind of change, you can start by looking at one or two areas where you can begin to make small changes that feel do-able.

Tips for Getting Out of a Rut:

• Looking at Your Usual Routines:  Is there some small change that you can make to one of your usual routines?  So, for instance, if you always take the same route to work, what if you took a different route?  What might you see or who might you meet that might be new and different? (see my article:  Being Open to New Experiences).

• Revising Your To-Do List:  If you find that your to-do list is usually so long that you almost never complete it, why not consider revising it so that it's more manageable?  At the same time, you can include some self care items on your list to nurturing yourself.  

• Reflecting on Your Habitual Ways of Thinking:  This requires self reflection and, possibly, some help from a trust friend or relative, who might be helpful to see things about yourself that you might not see. When was the last time that you questioned certain feelings, opinions and values?  Are you able to stand back objectively and consider that you might be thinking and behaving in ways that no longer suit you and your loved ones?  Reflecting on your habitual ways of thinking might help you to see things from a different angle.  Or, after looking at things from a different angle, you might still feel the same.  It's the act of reflection and objectivity that's important.  Maybe you want to try challenging yourself by looking at TV news that you normally don't watch, so that if you normally watch a liberal news broadcast, try watching a more conservative one or vice versa (see my article:  Overcoming the "I'm Too Old to Change" Mindset).

Taking Steps to Get Out of a Rut

• Looking at Your Fear of Change:  Take time to question your fears.  Are your fears amorphous and vague or are they specific?  Are you afraid of specific changes or any type of change?  Take time to write about your fears and, in writing about them, do they stand up to the light of day or do you see certain distortions in your thinking that underlie your fears? (see my article:  Fear of Change).

• Bolstering Your Self Confidence:  Are you going through a period of self doubt because of recent circumstances or is your lack of self confidence a lifelong issue?  Were there other times in your life when you were afraid to make changes but you overcame your fears?  What enabled you do it?  If you can't draw from your own experience, are there people that you admire who have been able to get themselves out of their own ruts?  Are there things that they did that you can borrow that might help to bolster your self confidence.  If there isn't anyone that you know, use your imagination and think of someone that you admire from a TV program, a movie, a book or a historical figure.  How did he or she overcome a lack of self confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? (see my article:  Becoming the Person You Want to Be).

• Looking at the Impact of "Negative People" Around You:  For reasons of their own, many people who struggle with negative thoughts, often unwittingly, have a negative impact on the people around them.  Often these people, who might be depressed or have other psychological problems that they're unaware of, can dampen other people's enthusiasm for new plans or changes in their lives.  This doesn't mean that you should stop being emotionally supportive to friends or family members who are "down."  It does mean that it would be helpful for you to take a look at the impact that they might have on you and learn to distinguish between their unhappiness and how you feel.  In other words, distinguish what emotions belong to them and what belongs to you.  If there are acquaintances in your life who tend to discourage you, you might want to reduce the amount of time that you spend with them, especially if you're trying to get out of a rut yourself (see my article:  Workplace: Being Around Negative Coworkers Can Have a Negative Impact on Your Mood).

• Meeting New People:  If you have a set of friends that you really care about, that's great.  You might also consider getting out to meet new people that might help you to gain a new perspective, learn about new interests, and see new places.  

• Recognizing that Everyday is a New Day:  Your perspective about each day is very important.  If you look at each day as the same as the previous one, you're unlikely to get yourself out of a rut.  But if you look at each day as having the potential for new possibilities, you open yourself up to the possibility of new experiences.

Taking Steps to Get Out of a Rut

What If It's More Than Just Being in a Rut?
As I mentioned in my prior article, sometimes depression and anxiety, as well as other psychological problems, can be the underlying problems for being in a rut.

If you've tried own your own and you've been unsuccessful to try to get yourself on a more even keel, you could benefit from the help of a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy
Going for a consultation with a licensed therapist could help you to address the underlying issues that keep you feeling stuck (see my article:

Rather than continuing to suffer on your own, a licensed mental health professional can help you to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you from leading a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Get Out of a Rut - Part 1

At some point in their lives, most people have the experience of being in a rut.

Getting Out of a Rut

What Does Being in a Rut Mean?
What being in a rut means is different for each person.

For most people, it's the experience of feeling stuck in one or more areas of their lives and not knowing what to do to get out of the rut that they're in.

For others, it's an inexplicable feeling of being bored and, possibly not knowing why.

Since being in a rut is such a vague expression and it can mean different things to different people, let's start by saying, for the purposes of what I mean in this article, what it isn't.

Being in a rut isn't being:

• in a state of major depression
• in a depressive phase of bipolar disorder
• emotionally traumatized
• in a state of grief or mourning
• obsessing due to obsessive compulsive disorder

and so on.

While the psychological conditions that I've mentioned above, as well as other psychological conditions, might have elements that appear similar to being in a rut, these conditions are psychological states that require the assistance of a mental health professional.

As opposed to a serious psychological condition, what I'm addressing in this article has more to do with a feeling of stagnation that many people can pull themselves out of if it's not part of a more serious psychological problem.

Being in a rut can happen so easily because, more than ever, most people feel pressed for time.  They're  busy trying to juggle so many responsibilities and struggling to balance their family life and work.

Being Over Scheduled is Often the Cause of Getting Into a Rut with Too Many Routines

Being in a rut often feels like you're a hamster on a wheel just running in place and not getting anywhere.

Being in a Rut Can Feel Like Being Stuck on a Hamster Wheel

Some Common Reasons for Getting Into a Rut:

• Getting stuck in old routines
• Having too big a to-do list
• Getting stuck in habitual ways of thinking
• Allowing fear of change to get in the way
• Lacking self confidence
• Neglecting to plan for change
• Over planning the same routines
• Suffering with burnout
• Lacking motivation
• Avoiding new experiences
• Allowing too many routines to crowd out time for self care
• Associating only with the same people and not making an effort to meet new people
• Allowing other people's negativity to have too big an influence
• Thinking it will take an overwhelming effort to get out of the rut

In my next article, I'll suggest some ideas that can be helpful to get yourself out of a rut.

Getting Help in Therapy
As I mentioned earlier, it's important to be able to distinguish being in a rut from a psychological issue to be addressed with a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you've tried to overcome your problem on your own without success or you feel your problems involve more than just a temporary feeling of stagnation, you could benefit from working with a licensed psychotherapist (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.