10 Tips to Help You Open Up With Your Psychotherapist

If you've never been in therapy before or if you haven't had a good experience with a prior therapist, you might find it difficult to open up with a new psychotherapist, so this article will provide you with some tips that can make it easier for you.

Opening Up With Your Therapist

10 Tips For Opening Up With Your Psychotherapist

• 1. Start By Choosing a Therapist Who is Right For You: The most important consideration when you're ready to go to therapy is whether you and any potential therapist you might choose are a good fit. Starting with a new therapist can be an adjustment--especially if you've never been in therapy before. It's a unique relationship where the focus is on you. Before committing to therapy with any particular therapist, you can attend a consultation with a therapist to see if you feel comfortable her. You might not be certain after one consultation, but you can usually tell after a few sessions. Even after you have chosen a therapist, it takes a while to build a rapport with a therapist because you're talking about the most emotionally vulnerable aspects of your life, so give it time. Also, make sure the therapist has the expertise you need for your problems (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

• 2. Think About What You Want to Talk About Before Your Sessions: If you want to get the most out of your therapy sessions, take some time before the session to reflect on what you want to talk about.  Many clients find it helpful to make notes for themselves so they use their time well in session. There are also many other clients who prefer to be more spontaneous in session because that's what works best for them. But if you have problems opening up to talk about yourself, prior reflection can be helpful (see my article: Getting the Most Out of Your Therapy Sessions).

• 3. Talk About Your Fear or Anxiety About Opening Up to Your Therapist: Most therapists know that clients often have a hard time opening up, especially if they weren't encouraged to talk about their feelings when they were growing up. A skilled therapist can help you to get comfortable enough to explore your fear or anxiety about opening up so you can eventually open up.  If a therapist is a mind-body oriented therapist, she can help you to get more comfortable with breathing or grounding exercises.

• 4. Consider Your Therapy Sessions a Collaboration Between You and Your Therapist: Therapy is a team effort.  Gone are the days when therapists just listened to you talk and after a while made an interpretation that was supposed to unlock profound insights. These days therapy is much less hierarchical and there's a recognition that clients and therapists work together in therapy to make it a meaningful experience. Although your therapist can help you to speak about difficult topics, you have the responsibility for initiating what you want to talk about.  Therapists aren't advisors, so they won't provide you with answers to your problems, but they can help you through the process (see my article: Psychotherapy as a Collaborative Effort Between Client and Therapist).

Opening Up With Your Therapist

• 5. Take Some Time Before the Session to Relax, If Possible: It's understood that most people lead busy lives, but if it's possible for you to take even a few minutes before your session, do some breathing or stretching to help you relax before the session starts.

• 6. Keep Your Therapy Appointments on a Regular Basis and Come On Time: In order to keep the momentum going in your therapy, you need to come regularly. It's understood that you might have to cancel once in a while (make sure you know your therapist's cancellation policy), but weekly sessions are generally the expectation.  Coming on time allows you to have the full benefit of the therapy time because sessions start and end at the appointed time, so if you're late, you won't get a full session (see my article: How to Keep the Momentum Going in Your Therapy).

• 7, Keep the Focus on Your Sessions Without Distractions During Your Appointment: This means you don't have any other distractions (e.g., phones, pets, etc) so you can stay focused on your session. If you're having an online session, make sure you have absolute privacy. Therapy sessions where you don't have privacy are considered unethical and therapists won't conduct a session under those circumstances. 

Opening Up With Your Therapist

• 8. Recognize That Therapy is a Process: You might not feel comfortable divulging the most vulnerable parts of yourself during the initial stage of therapy and that's alright. Give it time.  If you have issues opening up about a particular topic that you would like to work on, tell your therapist about your difficulty so she can help you to get comfortable (see my article: Progress in Therapy Isn't Linear and Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).

• 9. Opening Up Usually Gets Easier Over Time: Assuming you and your therapist are a good match, opening up usually becomes easier over time as you build a rapport with your therapist and develop trust and confidence.  This is also part of the process.

• 10. Talk About the Therapy With Your Therapist: If you're not sure about the process, talk to your therapist about it. Whether you're in the initial stage of therapy or you have been attending for a while, you can talk to your therapist about how you think therapy is going.  Many therapists do a check-in with clients periodically to see how the clients are feeling about the therapy, but you can talk about the therapy at any time, especially if there's something you don't understand or an area where you and your therapist don't agree. It's also a good idea to talk about the therapeutic relationship and whether you think it's going well.  If there's anything you feel went wrong in a session, bring it up so it can be addressed as soon as possible (see my article: Ruptures and Repairs in Therapy).

Conclusion

You can usually get a sense of whether you and your therapist are a good match.  If it's not a good match, you can tell your therapist rather than ghosting her. Experienced therapist are aware that every therapist isn't for every client, so this shouldn't be a problem.

Most clients get comfortable opening up over time, but if you have a particularly difficult time and you're aware that you and your therapist are a good match, bring up your difficulty in your therapy session.

Your therapist can help you to identify and work on overcoming whatever emotional obstacles might be getting in your way.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT therapist (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and sex therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Tips on How to Check If a Therapist is Licensed

More and more people are seeking help in therapy.  Unfortunately, it can be a confusing process to try to determine if someone claiming to be a therapist is actually a qualified mental health professional (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

How to Check if a Therapist is Licensed

Tips on How to Check if a Therapist is Licensed:

It's important to check if a prospective therapist you're considering working with has a state license because working with someone who doesn't have a license means that you're working with someone who is unqualified.  

Not only is this a waste of your time and money, it can also be harmful to you. 

Just like you would want to make sure that a medical doctor is licensed, you also want to make sure that anyone who calls him or herself a therapist has a state license.

Here are some tips to check on state licensure:

• Real Psychotherapists Have a State License
• There are many people who claim they're therapists when they're really not, including life coaches, personal coaches and other people who work outside the scope of their expertise.  
• Anyone can call themselves a therapist, but real psychotherapists have a state license.  

• Why State Licensing Matters For Real Psychotherapists
• Licensing is important because you want to make sure that the person you have chosen to help you with your problems is qualified.  
• A licensed therapist has a verified skillset to help people with various mental health issues.  
• A therapist obtains a license by satisfying various state and clinical requirements and have the necessary qualifications to treat you.
• A licensed therapist have fulfilled the necessary supervised clinical hours and have demonstrated that they have the necessary skills to obtain a license.  
• A licensed therapist has the proper training and experience to be a mental health professional.

• In New York State: Check with the Office of Professions - NYSED Website
• It's important to check that anyone who calls themselves a therapist is licensed.
• When you put yourself in someone's hands to help you with your problems, you want to know that they have the minimum requirements to work with you and that minimum requirement is state licensure.
• When you take it upon yourself to check a therapist's license, you're being a smart consumer of psychotherapy services.
• You can look up if a particular therapist you're considering by name by visiting the website of the licensing organization in the state where the therapist works.  In New York State, you can click on this link, NYSED - Office of Professions, and look up the therapist you're considering by name. 
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• Why is it Harm to Work With Someone Who Doesn't Have a License?
• Anyone who claims to be a therapist who doesn't have a license isn't a psychotherapist.
• If someone says s/he is a therapist and isn't licensed, they don't have the necessary skills, training and experience to help you.
• From a legal perspective, an unlicensed individual who attempts to practice therapy is committing fraud.
• More importantly, from a clinical perspective, anyone who isn't licensed will be harmful to your mental health and overall well-being.
• An unlicensed person who calls himself as therapist can leave you in a worse state than when you first started because s/he doesn't know what he's doing.
• An unlicensed person who fraudulently says he is a therapist is someone who hasn't demonstrated the basic skills required to be a psychotherapist.
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• Is a State License Enough to Qualify a Therapist to Treat You?
• Licensure is the minimum requirement for being a psychotherapist.  
• After a psychotherapist obtains a license, s/he must go on to do continuing education to stay current with regard to best practices in the psychotherapy field.
• For instance, if a therapist claims to have a particular expertise, like trauma therapy, s/he must have the necessary education and training beyond graduate school to develop the expertise to do trauma therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy
Beyond making sure that a therapist is licensed, finding a psychotherapist who is right for you is usually a process that begins with a consultation to see if the two of you are a good therapeutic match.

You might meet with a particular therapist a few times before you know if you're comfortable with him or her.  Ask questions about how the therapist works with the particular issue you want to work on.

There are many qualified psychotherapists in New York, but you're not going to feel comfortable with all of them, so trust your gut feeling.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many therapist are providing online therapy, which is also called teletherapy, telemental health or telehealth (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't Meet With Your Therapist in Person).

If you're struggling with problems and feel overwhelmed, get help from a licensed psychotherapist who is right for you.  Getting the right help from a licensed mental health professional can help you to overcome your problems so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYS psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I am currently providing online therapy while I'm out of my office due to the COVID-19 pandemic.  

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Choose a Psychotherapist

At various times in our lives, we all need help. Trusted friends and family members can be a source of strength and support to help us cope with difficult times. But sometimes friends and family are not qualified to help us work out our problems. At those times, you might decide to see a psychotherapist.

How to Choose a Therapist?
Choosing a therapist can be a daunting task, especially if you've never been in therapy before. How do you know what to look for? How do you know if a particular therapist is right for you? There are many different types of psychotherapy. How you do know which one would be best for you?

How to Choose a Therapist

Feeling Comfortable with the Therapist
I believe that the most important factor in selecting a therapist is whether you feel a connection to the therapist, regardless of who recommended the therapist or what type of therapy they practice.

So, how do you know if you feel a rapport with a particular therapist? I recommend going for a consultation and trusting your gut instinct.

Now, it's true that you might not feel comfortable the first time that you go. After all, it's not easy talking about personal things to a stranger. So, you might need to go a couple of times before you can distinguish your initial discomfort, which is normal, from what might not be a good match between you and the prospective therapist.

Make Sure the Therapist is Licensed
Make sure that whoever you see is licensed. I cannot stress this enough. Unfortunately, there are many people who call themselves therapists or counselors, but they're not licensed and they have no professional training.

Unlicensed, untrained wanna-be "therapists" usually do more harm than good and it's best to steer clear of them. If you're not sure if they're licensed, you can contact the State Professional Licensing board or go online. If they're licensed, their names will appear with their license number and the date of their license. Of course, having a license is no guarantee that they're a good therapist, but at least it's an indication that they meet the State's profesional requirements.

Ask for a Consultation
During the consultation, feel free to ask the prospective therapist questions about training, skills and experience. If a therapist is unable or unwilling to answer these questions or s/he becomes defensive or turns the questions back on you, move on.

How to Choose a Therapist:  Ask For a Consultation

You also want to know if the therapist has experience working on the particular problem that you are experiencing. You can also ask about their particular theoretical orientation. A therapist should be able to explain this to you in a way that you can understand without using jargon. Many therapists are eclectic, which means that they work in many different ways, depending upon the needs of the client.

During the consultation, ask yourself:

• Do I feel heard by this therapist? 
• Does the therapist seem interested in what I'm saying? 
• Other than normal anxiety that most people feel during an initial consultation, do I feel comfortable? 

You might need to interview a few therapists before you find the right one for you. And don't feel badly or that you'll be hurting the therapist's feelings if you decide to choose someone else. Any professional therapist understands that not all therapists are good for all clients.

If fee is a consideration, talk about the fee. Do you have out of network benefits that will provide you with a partial reimbursement?  

A Meaningful Experience in Therapy
When you find the right therapist for you, you are likely to have a meaningful experience. You'll have a chance to free yourself from old negative patterns that are keeping you from thriving in your life. Psychotherapy can be a rewarding, life changing experience. Good luck in your journey.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC Psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a psychotherapy consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.