NYC Psychotherapist Blog

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Sunday, August 23, 2015

Psychotherapy Blog: Do You Have a Pattern of Creating Chaos in Your Life?

People who have a pattern of creating chaos in their lives often do it unconsciously.  They usually don't realize that they're doing it themselves and, because they have no self awareness about how they're generating the chaos, they see the problems as external or as if it's "happening to" them rather than self generated (see my article:  Hooked on Emotional Drama: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster).

Do You Have a Pattern of Creating Chaos in Your Life?

There is also often a lot of denial involved when it comes to taking personal responsibility for the chaos.

Everyone has times in their lives that are chaotic, so I want to emphasize that what I'm referring to in this article is a pattern of chaos that is the result of actions taken (or not taken) by the individual involved in the chaos.

Examples of Creating Chaos:
  • Pursuing someone who has told you repeatedly that s/he isn't interested in you
  • Trusting someone who has constantly hurts, betrays and disappoints you
  • Maxing out credit cards for unnecessary purchases to the point where even minimum payments are unaffordable
  • Getting a shut off notice due to an overdue electric bill and spending the money on going out instead of paying the bill
  • Smoking heavily with an asthma condition
  • Drinking heavily despite a damaged liver
  • Getting a DWI and blaming "bad luck" for the arrest
There are many other examples, but I think you get the picture.

Most people who create chaos in their lives grew up in dysfunctional families that were chaotic.  So, they usually don't see the chaos they create in their adult lives as being dysfunctional because it seems "normal" to them.  And it seems "normal" because that's how they've always lived their lives.

Breaking the Pattern of Creating Chaos in Your Life
In order to break this pattern, a person must first be able to see the pattern.

There must be enough self awareness to step back and think about why s/he is having so many problems.

This isn't easy to do, especially if chaos has been a lifelong experience.

Do You Have a Pattern of Creating Chaos in Your Life?

The person who creates chaos often doesn't see that s/he is unconsciously recreating their dysfunctional childhood in their adult life.

Very often what happens is that life gets so out of control that the person who creates chaos is either forced to seek help (i.e., court mandated) or his or her life becomes to unbearable that s/he seeks help in therapy.

In my next article, I'll provide a vignette to show how this pattern develops and how therapy can help.

Getting Help in Therapy
On a conscious level, most people don't want to live a chaotic life.

For people who are stuck in this pattern of creating chaos, they often see problems that they unknowingly create as things that "happen to" them.

Getting Help in Therapy:  Learn to Stop Creating Chaos in Your Life

If you know or suspect that you might be creating chaos in your life and you're ready to change, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who understands the underlying unconscious dynamics and who can help you to change longstanding patterns.

Psychotherapy can help you to develop a greater sense of self awareness, new coping skills and a new way to live your life so that's stable and fulfilling.

By getting help in therapy, rather than living your life from one emotional crisis to the next, you could be leading a happier life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.