NYC Psychotherapist Blog

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Thursday, February 4, 2021

Understanding Women With Healthy High Sexual Desire - Part 2

I began a discussion about women with healthy high sexual desire in my prior article.  I'm continuing to explore this topic in the current article (also see my articles: What's the Difference Between Sex and Intimacy?What is Good Sex?What is Synchrony Sex? and Understanding Your Sexual Accelerators and Brakes).

Understanding Women With Healthy High Sexual Desire

Negative Stereotypes About Women as Sexual Beings
I'm choosing to focus on this topic because women who experience high sexual arousal are often maligned in sexist ways as being "sluts" or "whores" when, in fact, experiencing high sexual arousal is normal.  

Contrary to the stereotypes in pornography, most women with high sexual desire are not promiscuous or sexually compulsive.

At the same time, women who don't experience high sexual desire are also maligned as being "abnormal," "frigid" or "cold."  In many ways, this stereotype is even more surprising because these women represent the majority of women, and they are also normal.  They just need more sexual stimulation and they're more sensitive to the context in which they're in as compared to women with high sexual desire. 

So, in general, women as sexual beings, whether they experience high sexual desire or more context-dependent desire, are often criticized.  

Another reason why I'm focusing on this topic is that most research and articles about women's sexuality tend to focus on women's sexual problems (low libido), so my sex positive articles about women with high sexual desire are an attempt to bring attention to a much neglected topic.

Women With High Sexual Desire As Sexual Pursuers in Their Relationships
According to sex educator, Dr. Emily Nagoski, who is an expert on women's sexuality, women with high sexual desire represent about 15% of all women.  

Their sexual arousal tends to be spontaneous.  

In psychological terms, these women are often referred to as "female sexual pursuers" because they're often the ones, whether in heterosexual or lesbian relationships, who want and pursue more sex in their relationship (see my article: How Sexual Pursuers and Sexual Withdrawers Can Work Out Their Differences to Have a Happier Sex Life - Part 1 and Part 2).

The Temperament of Women With High Sexual Desire
In terms of sexual temperament, these women are sensitive to sexually relevant stimuli, which include sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and sexual fantasies. 

In terms of sexual context, a wide range of contexts can be sexually stimulating for them.  

So, in other words, these women get sexually turned on easily. 

Also, novelty is often sexually exciting for them.

What Are Sexual Excitors?
As the term suggests, sexual excitors are experiences that are sexual turn-ons, which vary for different people.

In her book, Come As You Are, Dr. Nagoski includes a brief questionnaire to help women determine their sexual temperament. 

This questionnaire includes the following sexually exciting incidents which are particularly relevant for women with high sexual desire:
  • Smelling the scent someone wears as a sexual turn-on
  • Seeing someone doing something that shows their talent or intelligence
  • Having sex in a different setting or in a different way than the usual one (novelty)
  • Seeing someone who is sexually attractive 
  • Fantasizing about sex
  • Experiencing certain hormonal changes during their menstrual cycle
  • Getting sexually turned on knowing that someone else is turned on
Metaphorically speaking, in terms of sexual arousal, they have sensitive accelerators and not-so-sensitive brakes (see my article: Understanding Your Sexual Accelerators and Brakes - Part 1 and Part 2).

Women with high sexual desire often de-stress by having sex--either through self pleasure (masturbation) or through partnered sex.  

Compared to most women, who are more context-dependent in terms of sexual arousal, women who experience high sexual arousal can be at risk for sexual compulsivity due to their sensitive accelerators and lower sensitivity brakes (although, as previously mentioned, most of these women are not promiscuous).

So, in order to avoid becoming sexually compulsive, these women need to pay attention to managing their stress in healthy/noncompulsive ways, including nonsexual ways like exercise and meditation in addition to self pleasure and partnered sex.

Women who experience high sexual desire experience sexual arousal in a spontaneous way. They represent about 15% of all women.  

Their way of experiencing sexual arousal is just as normal as more sexually context-dependent women.

Women with high arousal are more sensitive to sexual stimuli as compared to the vast majority of women.

Women who experience healthy high sexual desire are often confident in their sexuality and their sexual activities whether it involves self pleasure or partnered sex.  

They tend to be the ones in relationships who want more sex and, as such, they are the sexual pursuers in their relationships.

Last, but not least, sexist stereotyping of women is inaccurate and destructive to all women.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set  up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.