What is Compassionate Empathy?

In my prior article, Cognitive vs Affective Empathy, I discussed the difference between those two types of empathy.

Compassionate Empathy

In the current article I'm focusing on compassionate empathy.

    As a brief recap from the prior article:

• Cognitive Empathy means being able to think about and understand another person.

• Affective Empathy means being able to feel another person's feelings while staying grounded in your own experience.

What is Compassionate Empathy?

Compassionate empathy is empathy that combines cognitive and affective empathy so you understand intellectually what someone else is going through at the same time that you're able to feel their feelings while grounded in your own experience.

Compassionate Empathy

Compassionate empathy uses emotional intelligence to respond to another person's feelings without getting overwhelmed or trying to fix their problem.

When you experience compassionate empathy, you're supporting and empowering the other person to deal with their situation.

Compassionate empathy allows you to:

• See and feel the other person's feelings without your own feelings getting in the way and interfering with their situation

• Focus on the other person without pushing a particular outcome on them

• Validate the other person's feelings without giving advice--unless they ask for it

• Create a safe space for the other person to resolve their problem

• Help the other person to regulate their emotions so they can tap into their inner strength and wisdom

An Example of Compassionate Empathy

Your friend calls you to say she is very upset because she found out she didn't score well on the Law School Admission Test (LSAT) and now she's afraid she'll never achieve her dream of becoming a lawyer.

Compassionate Empathy

You invite your friend over so you can talk. When she gets to your place, she's still very upset and she tells you how much she wants to be a public defender and now she'll never be able to do that because of her low LSAT score.

You listen to your friend with compassionate empathy by allowing her to express her feelings while you understand and feel her feelings.

You validate her feelings by telling her, "I know how important your dream of becoming a public defender is to you. I can feel how sad and frustrated you are. I'm here for you. Tell me what else I can do for you."

Your friend feels soothed by you and she calms down. After she calms down and gets over her initial disappointment about not doing well on the LSAT, she remembers she can take the test again.  She also remembers that she can take a preparation course to improve her score the next time she takes the test.

Later on, your friend tells you she's glad she spoke to you. She says she realizes now that, even though she's disappointed, she doesn't have to give up on her dream. Then, she thanks you.

How Can You Develop Compassionate Empathy?

As mentioned above, compassionate empathy combines both cognitive and affective empathy so it's an important skill.

To develop compassionate empathy:

• Stay Calm: Make sure you have the emotional bandwidth to deal with your friend's feelings so you can be present and engage with your friend.

• Listen and Stay Attuned Without Being Judgmental: Listen to your friend and stay attuned to your friend's feelings as well as your own. When you remain present for your friend, you can experience compassionate empathy. You want to be non-judgmental so you can be fully present for your friend's feelings without giving advice, questioning or criticizing their feelings and motives.

Compassionate Empathy

• Mirror Your Friend's Feelings: Rather than giving your opinion, sense into your friend's feelings and reflect them back accurately and compassionately to your friend. When your friend experiences that you're in synch with their feelings, your friend can feel supported by you and calm down. This allows your friend to think more clearly,

• Validate Your Friend's Experience: When you validate your friend's experience, you say things like, "This sounds like it's very upsetting and difficult for you."

• Repeat These Steps If Your Friend's Feelings Escalate: If your friend is very upset, you might have to repeat your steps until your friend feels understood and they can calm down.

Conclusion

Compassionate empathy combines both affective and cognitive empathy. 

Compassionate Empathy

When you use compassionate empathy, you're using emotional intelligence to be responsive to another person without trying to fix their problem.

With compassionate empathy, you can be supportive and empower someone to deal with their situation.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Cognitive Empathy vs Affective Empathy: Thinking About Another Person's Feelings vs Feeling Their Feelings

I've written prior articles about empathy.

    See my articles: 

Why is Empathy Important in Therapy?

What is Empathic Failure in Therapy?

Empathy Between Friends

What is the Difference Between Affective Empathy and Cognitive Empathy?

In the current article, I'm focusing on the difference between affective empathy and cognitive empathy.

    Cognitive Empathy:

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person's perspective. This means you're able to put yourself in another person's shoes to comprehend their point of view.

You can imagine what the other person is feeling.

You can also interpret another person's feelings, thoughts and motivations.

For instance, if your friend went to an audition for a part in the theater and she didn't get it, you can imagine how disappointed she is about not getting the part.

Instead of imagining the situation from your own point of view, you imagine it from your friend's perspective when she gets the bad news.

Affective Empathy:

Affective empathy is when you allow yourself to feel the other person's feelings. With affective empathy, you allow yourself to dip into the other person's emotional experience while staying grounded in your own experience.

Empathy in Psychotherapy

For instance, if your friend is sad because she didn't get the job, you can sense her sadness and feel sad too because you're resonating with her experience.

With affective empathy, you're more likely to try to help her than if you only experience cognitive empathy.

What Are Examples of Cognitive Empathy vs Affective Empathy?

Regarding the example above of your friend not getting the theater job, here are examples of cognitive and affective empathy:

• Cognitive Empathy: You tell your friend who didn't get the job, "I know you're sad about not getting the job and I know this is hard for you."

• Affective Empathy: You tell your friend, "I can feel your sadness and I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you."

Both types of empathy are valuable. but they differ in their focus and the level of your emotional involvement.

Empathy in a Relationship

Cognitive empathy involves mental processing and understanding.

Affective empathy involves sharing emotions and emotional resonance between you and the other person.

Although some people are naturally more skilled at one type of empathy than another, both types of empathy are essential for understanding human emotion.

What is the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy?

Empathy, as defined above, is allowing yourself to understand the other person's feelings (as in the case of cognitive empathy) and feel the other person's feelings while staying grounded in your own experience (as in the case of affective empathy). 

Affective empathy, in particular allows for a deep emotional connection.

Although someone can express concern and offer emotional support with sympathy, sympathy doesn't necessarily involve understanding or feeling the other person's feelings. 

Next Article: What is Compassionate Empathy?

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.