In my prior articles, I explored sub-dom roles in BDSM relationships:
In the current article, I'm focusing on the importance of BDSM Aftercare.
What is a Sub Drop?
BDSM activities can be physically, emotionally and mentally tiring. So, it's important for you and your partner to engage in aftercare.
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| BDSM Aftercare |
BDSM aftercare is the time you and your partner spend taking care of each other after you role play or engage in other kinky sex.
Some people compare BDSM activities to a vigorous athletic workout.
A sub drop is an emotional and physical low that can begin anywhere from a few hours, days or weeks after the emotional/endorphin high following BDSM activity. It can last hours or weeks.
The term sub drop comes from the kink community. It's usually associated with the sub (or submissive) in a sub-dom (submissive-dominant) dynamic. But a dom can also experience a sub drop.
Some people can engage in BDSM and never experience a sub drop. Then, for some unknown reason, out of the blue, they can experience a sub drop after an intense BDSM play session.
What is the Connection Between a Sub Drop and Subspace?
To understand a sub drop, you need to understand the chemical reactions that occur during an BDSM scene, including intense endorphins and adrenaline. Endorphins produce euphoria and adrenaline keeps you going during an BDSM scene.
After a BDSM scene is over, the chemicals can drop quickly. Then, the experience can feel painful and embarrassing.
Each person can experience a sub drop differently.
Sub drop symptoms can include (but are not limited to):
- Depression
- Fatigue
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Feeling dazed
This is why BDSM aftercare is so important.
How to Prevent or Mitigate a Sub Drop
Sometimes a sub drop can be prevented with aftercare, but not always.
When a sub drop cannot be prevented, aftercare is important to help mitigate its effect.
What is BDSM Aftercare?
There are two different types of aftercare: physical and emotional.
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| BDSM Physical and Emotional Aftercare |
Physical aftercare can include:
- Removing restraints or a blindfold
- Getting your partner something to eat and drink (blood sugar levels can drop during a sub drop)
- Providing warm clothing or a blanket
- Kissing and hugging your partner
- Providing affection in a quiet and peaceful environment
- Giving your partner a massage
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| BDSM Physical and Emotional Aftercare |
Emotional aftercare can include:
- Discussing the BDSM scene to understand each other's needs
- Reminding and reassuring your partner there was nothing shameful about the scene
- Checking in with your partner a few days or more after because, as previously mentioned, a sub drop can last hours, days or weeks
Aftercare is something that both people need--whether they were in the role of the sub or the dom. The dom's physical exertion during BDSM can produce a sub drop so, similar to the sub, they need aftercare right after the scene and possibly up to weeks after.
There is no one-size-fits-all way to provide aftercare. It all depends on what each person needs. That's why it's important to be open and attentive with each other and communicate your needs.
Getting Help in Sex Therapy
Sex therapy is talk therapy about sexual issues (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).
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| Getting Help in Sex Therapy |
There is no physical exam, nudity or sex during a sex therapy session (see my article: What Are the Most Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).
Many individual adults and couples who are having sexual problems find that attending therapy with a skilled sex therapist is helpful (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in sex therapy so you can have a more fulfilling sex life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples on all aspects of their sex life.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.