 |
| Taking a Break From Your Relationship |
During their argument, after Rachel suggests they take a break, Ross walks out feeling devastated. Then, he goes out to a club, gets drunk and he gets sexually involved with Chole, the "copy girl."
Soon afterwards, Rachel finds out that Ross slept with Chloe, which leads to another argument about what it means to be "on a break" and whether it meant that Ross and Rachel were broken up or they were temporarily not seeing each other but also not seeing anyone else.
This misunderstanding leads to a breakup because Rachel is hurt, angry and mistrustful of Ross.
What Does It Mean to Be "On a Break" From Your Relationship?
To avoid potential misunderstandings, it's important to be clear on what it means when you say you want a break in the relationship.
Here are some factors to consider:
- Define the Terms: Be clear with each other as to whether you're each taking a "pause" from the relationship in order to fix problems or if the break is actually the beginning stage of a permanent breakup.
- Establish Ground Rules: Be specific: Does it mean a one week break or a one month break or some other time period? Also, be clear as to whether you can each date other people or if other people are off limits. Does it mean you're going to go no-contact? If not, what type of contact will you have (text? phone calls? etc) and how often. Whatever you both decide, respect the boundaries you have both agree to. If you don't define the terms together, you're going to have misunderstandings similar to Ross and Rachel on "Friends".
.jpg) |
| Taking a Break From Your Relationship |
- Focus on Self Care and Reflection: Use your time apart to think about your needs, your partner's needs, the relationship issues and whether or not you want to be in this relationship.
- Avoid Manipulation: Do not use the break to gain leverage or make your partner jealous.
- Manage Your Expectations: Be prepared for an outcome that could go either way including the possibility that the break can lead to a permanent separation.
- Don't Use a Temporary Break to Avoid Saying You Want a Permanent End to the Relationship: Many people who don't feel comfortable saying they want to end the relationship tell their partner that they want a temporary break knowing beforehand that they don't plan to reunite with their partner. They're too uncomfortable to talk about their real feelings, so they use the excuse of a temporary break as a way to exit the relationship. Then, they ghost their partners and don't respond when their partners contact them which leaves their partners feeling hurt, angry and betrayed. If you know. you want to end the relationship, say so. It will be a lot less painful for both of you in the long run if you're upfront and honest with yourself and your partner.
Get Help in Couples Therapy
If you're not sure how to handle being on a break or you're not sure if you even want a break, seek help in couples therapy.
 |
| Get Help in Couples Therapy |
A skilled couples therapist can help you to define what you each want from your relationship and, if you choose to stay together, provide you with the tools and strategies to get there.
If you decide not to stay together, a couples therapist can help you to break up in a way that is caring and respectful.
So, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a couples therapist.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.
I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.