It's not unusual for people who are in high conflict relationships to seek help in couples therapy after many years of being in conflict.
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| Strategies to Reduce Conflict in Your Relationship |
As a psychotherapist for individual adults and couples, when a couple responds to each other with a great deal of emotional reactivity, I help them to slow down to become aware of how each of them contributes to their conflicts.
Before a high conflict couple can make positive changes in their relationship, each of them has to become self aware so they can reduce their reactivity and listen to their partner (see my article: 5 Tips to Reduce Emotional Reactivity in Your Relationship).
6 Strategies to Reduce Conflict in Your Relationship
- Calm Yourself to Actively Listen to Your Partner: One of the problems high conflict couples have is that each one of them is just waiting for their chance to blame their partner, so they're not listening to what their partner is saying (see my article: Tips on Active Listening).
- Develop Self Reflect Capacity: Rather than focusing on what you think your partner said or did wrong, reflect on how you come across in your relationship. Spend time writing about it in a journal to capture your thoughts and go deeper in self awareness (see my article: What is Self Reflective Capacity and Why It's Important For You).
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| Strategies to Reduce Conflict in Your Relationship |
- Stop Being Hostile to Your Partner: Couples, who are hostile, can use overt hostility in the form of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling to respond to their partner. They can also use passive aggressive behavior or nonverbal hostility (e.g., eye rolling) and sarcasm disguised as a "joke". Each person in the relationship needs to learn to stop these behaviors (see my article: Improve Your Communication in Your Relationship By Eliminating the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling).
- Take Responsibility and Admit When You're Wrong: After you become aware of your own negative ways of communicating, it's important to take responsibility and apologize.
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| Strategies to Reduce Conflict in Your Relaitonship |
- Find Authentic Ways to Connect With Your Partner: High conflict couples often disengage from each other by distracting themselves with their phones, TV, video games and so on. Even if your relationship is not where you would like it to be, it's important to take time to connect with each other in meaningful ways without distractions. This might mean you both go for a walk in a park or do other activities that you both enjoy.
If you and your partner have deeply ingrained negative habits, you could benefit from seeking help from a skilled couples therapist.
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| Get Help in Couples Therapy |
A licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in couples work can help you to develop the necessary skills to have a more meaningful relationship or, if the relationship is beyond repair, she can help you to separate in an amicable and respectful way.
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced couples therapist.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experience and Sex Therapist
I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.