Understanding the difference between rigid, porous and healthy boundaries can make a difference for your personal well-being as well as in your relationships.
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| Setting Healthy Boundaries |
I'm discussing three types of personal boundaries in this article:
- Healthy boundaries
- Porous boundaries
- Rigid boundaries
What Are Healthy Personal Boundaries?
Healthy personal boundaries are the limits you set for yourself in relationships.
If you have healthy personal boundaries, you're able to say "no" to others when you want to and, at the same time, you're able to be vulnerable with others in a healthy way.
Healthy boundaries include:
- Valuing your own opinions
- Not compromising your opinions, values or well-being for others
- Sharing personal information in an appropriate way (neither over or under sharing)
- Knowing your personal wants and needs
- Having the ability to share your personal wants and needs
- Being able to accept when others say "no" to you for their own well-being
What Are Rigid Personal Boundaries?
If you have rigid personal boundaries, you keep others at a distance either physically, emotionally or both.
Rigid boundaries include:
- Avoiding intimacy and close relationships
- Having difficulty asking for help
- Having few, if any, close relationships
- Being overly protective of personal information
- Coming across as detached--even in close relationships
- Keeping others at a distance to avoid the possibility of being hurt or rejected
What Are Porous Personal Boundaries?
If you have porous personal boundaries, you tend to get overly involved with people too quickly before you know them well enough.
Porous boundaries include:
- Oversharing personal information
- Having difficulty saying "no" to others
- Getting over-involved with other people's problems
- Being overly dependent on other people's opinions
- Being overly dependent on getting validation from others
- Accepting abuse and disrespect
- Fearing rejection if you don't comply with others' wishes
Personal Boundaries Are Often Mixed
Most people have a combination of personal boundaries in different situations.
For instance, you might have healthy boundaries at work where you're able to set limits with managers and coworkers, but you might have porous or rigid boundaries with friends, family or in romantic relationships or vice versa.
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| Setting Healthy Boundaries |
Personal Boundaries in Different Settings
Personal boundaries often depend upon the setting you're in.
If you're out with close friends, you might be able to speak and act in ways that you would consider inappropriate to do with colleagues or certain family members.
Similarly, you might have healthy boundaries with friends, but you might have porous or rigid boundaries in romantic situations because of your personal history, how you're feeling about yourself or your need to be in a relationship.
Personal Boundaries in Different Cultures
Culture can also makes a difference.
For example, in some cultures, it's inappropriate to express emotions in public whereas in others it would be inappropriate not to express emotions publicly.
In addition, in some cultures it would be considered inappropriate to set certain limits with family members--even if you would be compromising your well-being.
Your cultural values might indicate that the group or family is more important than the individual.
Cultural issues can make it especially challenging if you grew up in a traditional culture as a child but you're living in a non-traditional setting as an adult. Under those circumstances, you might feel you have one foot in each world and you might feel conflicted about your personal boundaries.
Getting Help in Therapy
If you're struggling to have healthy personal boundaries, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.
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| Getting Help in Therapy |
Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to make positive changes in your life.
Instead of struggling on your own, seek help from a psychotherapist who can help you to live a more fulfilling life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
See my prior articles: