In a "Love and Libido" podcast, Sex Therapist Dr. Emily Jamea interviewed Dr. Jeffrey Hall, author of The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want (see my article: How to Flirt Without Being Creepy).
This article is an introduction to the five flirting styles, which will be described in more detail in future articles.
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| Flirting |
What is Flirting?
Flirting is when someone behaves as if they're attracted to someone.
Flirting usually involves a combination of verbal communication and body language.
Depending on the goal of person flirting, flirting can start a sexual or romantic relationship with someone. It also can start a hookup or casual date.
In addition, it can be done as a way to amuse the person flirting and the person with whom they're flirting and have no other goal at all other than amusement.
Sometimes, people flirt as a way to get attention and an ego boost.
The 5 Flirting Styles
Most people flirt regardless of sexual orientation, gender, sex, sexual orientation, age, race and so on.
Dr. Hall's book focuses on heterosexual men and women.
According to Dr. Hall, the five flirting styles are:
- Playful: Playful flirts like to flirt for fun. They often have a particular agenda in terms of a sexual conquest, a date or a relationship. They just enjoy flirting for the sake of flirting. It can be hard to understand what they want from you because they like to be playful and tease, but they're not especially intimate.
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| Playful Flirting |
- Traditional: Traditional flirts adhere to traditional, heteronormative ways where women wait for men to initiate flirting. Women in this category often use eye contact to show interest and men usually make the first move to talk to women. Traditional flirts tend to be introverted, so they often wait a while before they ask someone out.
- Physical: Physical flirts use nonverbal touch and open body language to flirt. This flirting style is especially sexually charged. Physical flirts tend to touch you. Aside from touching you, they might lean in close to you. They're usually confident and forward. Often, physical flirters look for a sexual conquest as opposed to a relationship, but this isn't always the case.
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| Physical Flirting: Playing Footsie |
- Sincere: Sincere flirts are the most common type. They will try to form a bond with you by making you comfortable and creating a rapport. They tend to be direct and honest in their approach. A relationship with them might start as a friendship first before it becomes romantic.
- Polite: Polite flirts can be difficult to understand because they're so subtle. They tend to be focused on being polite, moral, cautious and reserved. They want to avoid embarrassment. So, for instance, they tend to speak in cautious tones.
Personality Types and Flirting Styles
According to Dr. Hall's research, extroverts are usually open to new experiences and they tend to prefer physical, playful or sincere flirting styles.
The research also indicates that introverts prefer traditional and polite flirting styles.
Agreeable people tend to be sincere flirts.
People who are moderately agreeable and conscientious, who are also outgoing, tend to be physical flirts.
People who are not agreeable or conscientious tend to be playful flirts.
Flirting Styles and Dating and Relationship Success
Based on Dr. Hall's research, people with sincere, physical or playful flirting styles tend to have the best dating success.
People with sincere and physical styles tend to lead more quickly to relationships.
Traditional flirts tend to take things slower, which allows for a relationship to develop over time in a meaningful way.
Polite flirts tend to be sincere, which helps some of them to be more outgoing.
Each style has its own advantages.
Some styles allow people to connect with many people whereas other styles prioritize relationship building with fewer people.
Conclusion
Each flirting style has pros and cons.
Knowing your flirting style can help you to be aware of how you're coming across and if your particular style suits your dating and relationships goals--if you have goals--at particular points in your life.
Future Articles
As I mentioned above, I'll cover each of these flirting styles in more detail in future articles.
See my articles:
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I am a sex-positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.