In my prior article, How a Parent's Unresolved Trauma Can Affect Their Child, I started a discussion about the potential impact for children of parents with unsolved trauma (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).
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| The Link Between Perfectionism and Unresolved Trauma |
I'm continuing this discussion in the current article by focusing on one aspect this issue, which is perfectionism (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).
Estimates vary as to what percentage of children of traumatized parents develop perfectionism, but the current estimate as of the date of this article is 25-30%.
What is the Link Between Perfectionism and Intergenerational Trauma?
Trauma-related perfectionism is passed down through biological and environmental pathways:
- Parental Modeling: Children often internalize the harsh, self critical inner voices of parents who use perfectionism to cope with unresolved trauma.
- Epigenetic Predisposition: Chronic stress and trauma in parents can influence gene expressions related to anxiety and chronic stress, potentially exposing children to perfectionistic tendencies.
- Parentified Roles: Children who are forced to take on adult responsibilities or care for a parent's emotional needs may use perfectionism to fulfill these overwhelming obligations (see my article: What is Parentification and Why Is It Traumatic?).
Signs of Trauma-Based Perfectionism
This includes:
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing any minor mistake as a total failure or proof of inherent unworthiness (see my article: Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking).
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| The Procrastination Paradox |
- Procrastination Paradox: Avoiding tasks entirely because the fear of doing them imperfectly is paralyzing
- Chronic Self Criticism: A persistent internal dialog that equates mistakes with being "bad" or at risk for abandonment
Support the Healing Process
If your child is experiencing perfectionistic tendencies related to intergenerational trauma, healing begins with you:
- Create a Nonjudgmental Space: Create an environment in your home where mistakes are welcomed and met with curiosity instead of judgment.
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| Create a Nonjudgmental Environment |
- Practice Compassion: Help your child to distinguish their worth from their achievements.
- Get Support For Yourself in Trauma Therapy: Healing begins with you. If you have unresolved trauma, get help in trauma therapy so you can become a parental model of mental health. Trauma therapy modalities include:
- Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)
- Somatic Experiencing (SE)
- Get Help For Your Child: Seek help from a licensed mental health professional who does trauma-informed therapy for children. Therapist directories like Psychology Today can provide you with referrals to psychotherapists who work with children in your area.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.
As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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