If your relationship started out well but now you're seeing toxic personality traits in your partner, you might be in a relationship with someone who has a Dark Triad Personality.
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| The Dark Triad Personality |
The Dark Triad psychological theory was originally proposed in 2002 by researchers Kevin Williams and Delroy Paulus who identified three malevolent personality traits:
- Narcissism
- Psychopathy
- Machiavellianism
Any one of these traits would be difficult in a relationship, but the combination of all three traits in the Dark Triad Personality make them especially challenging.
So, let's look at each one separately:
- Narcissism:
- A need for admiration and attention
- A sense of entitlement
- Arrogance
- A lack of empathy for others
- Manipulation and exploitation of others for their own gain
- Feeling like they're the "victim" when they are the ones who victimize others
- Criticizing others
- Envying others or believing others envy them
- Expecting special treatment
- Psychopathy: There are two types of psychopathy: Primary psychopathy and secondary psychopathy (psychopathy should not be confused with psychosis).
- Primary Psychopathy:
- Cold
- Callus
- Manipulative
- Often successful
- No remorse or guilt for the negative impact they have on others
- Secondary Psychopathy:
- Impulsive risk taker with bad results
- Usually unsuccessful
- Machiavellianism:
- Cunning
- Deceitful
- Acting only in their own self interest
- Lacking empathy for others
How Do You Know If You're With Someone Who Has a Dark Triad Personality?
People who have a Dark Triad personality are very good at masking their negative qualities so you don't see it at first. They often use their charm to disarm people until they get what they want.
Both men and women can have a Dark Triad Personality.
A typical example is the man who is a "player" or "F-Boy" (see my articles: Understanding the Underlying Emotional Dynamics of Players - Part 1 and Part 2).
The combination of the following characteristics might indicate you're with someone who has a Dark Triad Personality:
- They're Usually Successful: Assuming they have primary psychopathy, they usually know how to succeed by selfishly putting their own interests first--often at the expense of others. In addition to whatever skills and talent they might possess, they know how to use charisma (and possibly good looks) to manipulate the right people who can help them to get ahead. Then, they often discard those people because they're no longer useful to them. It's not unusual for them to engage in unethical or illegal behavior once they have succeeded.
- They Often Have Problems With Anger Management: They might not explode in front of their boss because that could ruin their chance for success, but they might unleash their rage and impulsivity at you behind closed doors.
- They Have a Hard Time Maintaining a Long Term Relationship: They usually have a string of brief relationships. They might be in a relationship for a few years or more if they find partners with low self esteem who are willing to put up with their bad behavior (e.g., cheating, lying and so on). Also, when they're in a relationship, they have no sense of shame or guilt about lying and cheating (see my article: What Are the 12 Telltale Signs You're With a Womanizer).
- They're Cold Towards Others: While they're trying to get what they want, whether it's a sexual conquest or a job promotion, they know how to manipulate by appearing as if they're kind, friendly and agreeable, but this is only a means to an end. Once they've gotten what they want, they're cold and unfeeling.
- They Engage in Impulsive and Risky Behavior: For people with primary psychopathy, the risky and impulsive behavior often pays off because they usually have good instincts--but this is not the case for people with secondary psychopathy. People with secondary psychopathy often take big risks and get small or no rewards.
- They Don't Have Morals, Ethics and Empathy: People with a Dark Triad Personality will lie, cheat and manipulate to get what they want and not think about the impact on others because they don't care. They're lacking in morals, ethics and empathy. They only care to the extent that it might get in the way of what they want.
- They Bully Others: They might engage in verbal, emotional or physical abuse to get what they want. Their objective is to gain power over others.
Next Article: In my next article, I'll give tips on how to handle a Dark Triad personality.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
