In my prior article, The Erotic Equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement, I discussed Dr. Jack Morin's concepts on eroticism from his book The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment.
As part of the current discussion on eroticism and relationships in this article, I'm focusing on Dr. Morin's Four Cornerstones of Eroticism (see my articles: What is Your Erotic Blueprint - Part 1 and Part 2).
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| The Four Cornerstones of Eroticism |
What Are the Four Cornerstones of Eroticism?
The Four Cornerstones of Eroticism are related to Dr. Morin's concepts about The Erotic Equation.
Here's a brief explanation of the Four Cornerstones:
- Longing and Anticipation: When you desire someone you don't (or can't) have, you experience longing and anticipation. This is the case with unrequited love and other instances where what is desired either cannot be obtained or there are obstacles to obtaining what you desire (see my article: Obsessing About the One Who Got Away).
- Violating Prohibitions: Violating sexual prohibitions include violating cultural norms and or laws that are meant to restrict and enforce sexual behavior. The unintended consequences of these prohibitions often become sexually arousing. For some people, the fantasy of violating these prohibitions is enough of a turn on without engaging in the behavior in real life. Some examples of sexually arousing prohibitions include:
- Having sex in a car parked on the street, in a park or in a public place where there is a risk of getting caught
- Having sex with someone who is from another race or ethnic background when your family or culture prohibits it
- Having a secret sexual affair (see my articles: Why Do People in Happy Relationships Cheat? and Infidelity and the Need to Feel Desirable)
- Searching For Power: Consensual power play is an example of a search for power where there is one partner who is in the dominant role and the other partner is in the submissive role. There are also people who are "switches" where they switch roles. Role playing is another example. These activities can be performed in real life or as part of a sexual fantasy (see my articles: What is Power Play?, Destigmatizing Sexual Fantasies of Power and Submission and Sexual Wellness: What You Can Learn From Kink Culture About Consent).
- Overcoming Ambivalence: Wanting and not wanting, liking and not liking, being attracted to and being repulsed by at the same time can intensify eroticism. Most adults, who have experienced emotional pain in a relationship or in a situation where they desired someone but their feelings weren't reciprocated, as in unrequited love, know about the ambivalence of wanting love and being fearful of it at the same time. Overcoming ambivalence becomes erotic at the point when these mixed feelings are transformed from avoidance to the pursuit of pleasure (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love).
In upcoming articles, I'll explore each of the Four Cornerstones in more detail: See my article: One of the Four Cornerstones of Eroticism: Longing and Anticipation.
Getting Help in Therapy
If you are having problems that you have been unable to resolve on your own, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the expertise to help you overcome your issue.
Seek help in therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.