How to Recognize Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Relationship

Learning to recognize passive aggressive behavior in your relationship is the start of not only becoming aware of this behavior but also the first stage in changing it before it ruins your relationship.

Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Relationship

Whether you're the one who is being passive aggressive or it's your partner/spouse, engaging in this behavior usually compounds whatever problems there are in the relationship.

What is Passive Aggressive Behavior?
Passive aggressive behavior is a passive resistance to whatever is going on between you and your partner.  It can be expressed in a variety of habitual behavior including:

• procrastination
• forgetfulness
• obstructive resistance
• stubbornness
• irritability
• caustic comments
• petty complaints
• vacillation/ambivalence
• grumbling
• sabotaging behavior
• hostile comments
• veiled hostile comments
• resentfulness
• sarcasm
• belittling comments
• covert belittling

Anyone can have a bad day and engage in one or more of the behaviors above, so please note that I have italicized the word "habitual" with regard to the list of behaviors.

Clinical Scenario
The following scenario, which is a fictionalized account of passive aggressive behavior in a relationship, illustrates how this behavior can play out in a relationship:

Sue and Mark:
Sue and Mark had been married for 10 years.  They tended to get into arguments whenever Sue asked Mark to do something he really didn't want to do but that he would not directly address. Instead, he engaged in passive aggressive behavior.

How to Recognize Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Relationship

After an argument where Mark's procrastination in taking care of a simple plumbing job resulted in an expensive plumbing bill, Sue made an appointment for couples therapy.

About five minutes before the session was scheduled to start, Mark called Sue, who was in the couples therapist's reception area, to let her know that he took a nap and there would be no way for him to get to the appointment before the session was due to end.  They would have to reschedule.

Sue was fuming as she rescheduled the appointment and said, "This is just one example of Mark's passive aggressive behavior."

During the second scheduled appointment, Mark arrived on time, but he forgot his checkbook, so he was unable to write a check for the session.  

Once again, Sue was fuming because they had agreed in advance that Mark would bring his checkbook and pay for this session.  Instead, they spent several minutes at the end of the session going through whatever cash they had so they could pay for the session.

Getting Help in Therapy
People who engage in passive aggressive behavior are often unaware of their behavior, but they can learn to recognize the signs and learn to change it.

A licensed mental health practitioner, who has expertise with passive aggressive behavior, can help you to change this dynamic.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individuals and couples to lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.