Stop Keeping Score in Your Relationship

Over time, keeping score in your relationship can have disastrous consequences.  A "tit for tat" mentality or, worse still, "upping of the ante" can lead to anger, resentment and the end of the relationship.  And, yet, so many couples do it.  They find it hard to resist blaming, finger pointing and saying, "I told you so!"

Keeping Score as a Habitual Way of Relating to Each Other
Often, when keeping score is an ongoing pattern in a relationship, each person waits for the other person to make a mistake so s/he can point it out.  There is a fair amount of contempt involved with doing this. And if this is the couple's predominant way relating, the relationship can devolve quickly.

Stop Keeping Score in Your Relationship

Keeping score can become a habit and, like any habit, it can be hard to break.  Before you say something that both you and your partner are going to regret, it's important to be able to stop, step back and ask yourself, "What am I trying to accomplish?  Is this going to make the situation better?"

Of course, this requires a cool head and a mature personality.  If you're able to stop yourself and reflect on what you're about to do, you'll soon realize that, by keeping score, not only are you showing contempt for your partner, whether you realize it or not, you're also trying to shame him or her.  Then, at some point, if this is the dynamic in your relationship, your partner will look for a way to shame you as well.  When you engage in this behavior, it's never ending.

Unfortunately, there are lots of couples who, rather than being bound together with love, are bound together by hate and anger.  You might ask yourself why two people would stay together if this is their bond.  But, when people are bound together by hate and anger, they often don't realize it.  They're too busy looking for the next opportunity to blame their partner than to stop and think about what's going on in their relationship.

Keeping Score and Your Family of Origin
Like many relationship dynamics, both positive and negative, many people internalize the keeping score mentality from what they observed at home when they were growing up.  If this is the case, on the face of it, it might not seem so bad to you because it's familiar.  But, as I mentioned earlier, it can ruin a relationship.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you recognize that you and your partner have a dynamic where you're keeping score and you're unable to change this dynamic on your own, you could benefit from couples counseling with a skilled  clinician who can help you develop better relationship and communication skills.

Getting help can make the difference between saving or losing your relationship.  Many couples, have successfully changed this dynamic, and you and your partner can too.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Heartbreak of the On-Again/Off-Again Relationship

Several years ago, a friend confided in me that, in the past (before I knew her), she had been in an on-again/off-again relationship for two years.  The usual pattern to her relationship was that whenever "the going got tough," her boyfriend was gone.

His Pattern Was to Flee the Relationship When He Felt Overwhelmed
Without saying a word, when he felt overwhelmed by their relationship, he would load up the car and drive off to stay with one of his many family members around the country, leaving my friend to wonder and worry about his whereabouts and the future of their relationship.

After a few days or so, he would call her to let know where he was and to say he needed "his space" for a while.  My friend never knew how long "a while" would be or if having "his space" was a euphemism for the relationship being over.  When she asked him, he refused to define how long or if he felt the relationship was really over.  But one thing was clear:  It was always on his terms.  He needed to be in control.

The Heartbreak of the On-Again/Off-Again Relationship

The first few times this happened, my friend was, understandably, upset.  This type of situation would be difficult for most people, but having lost both of her parents as a child, she was especially sensitive to her boyfriend abandoning her whenever he felt overwhelmed.  And he felt overwhelmed often, including when my friend wanted to talk about where their relationship was headed.

After a while, it became obvious to my friend that her boyfriend regulated the intensity and intimacy of their relationship by all of this coming and going.  He used his departures as an emotional pressure valve.  When enough time had passed so that he felt some of the intensity had subsided, he would return, sometimes contrite, sometimes not.  For a while, whenever he returned, my friend said she felt she had to "walk on eggshells" and tiptoe around him so he wouldn't leave again.  She tried to talk to him about therapy, but he wasn't open to going to individual therapy or couples counseling.  Needless to say, it was a very challenging situation.

To make matters worse, as I mentioned, all of her boyfriend's coming and going triggered earlier abandonment issues for my friend, which soon made the relationship feel emotionally intolerable for her.  Several months after she began therapy, she felt she deserved a lot better than this, and she ended the relationship.

Not surprisingly, once she withdrew from the relationship, her ex pursued her like he never pursued her before, promising her that he would never run off again.  But my friend understood that, even though her ex might have had the best of intentions, it was obvious that he couldn't tolerate the emotional intimacy that is a natural part of being in an intimate relationship. And, despite his promises, she knew he would leave again when he felt emotionally overwhelmed due to his own unresolved emotional issues.

Fortunately, my friend never went back to that relationship or ever entered into another relationship with that dynamic.  She's now in a committed relationship with someone who is comfortable with emotional intimacy and he can handle the inevitable ups and downs that are part of all relationships.  And, she gave me permission to use her story, without using her name or any identifying information, because she thought it might be helpful to others.

As a psychotherapist, I've seen many clients who are involved in these type of on-again/off-again relationships with similar dynamics to the ones I've just described.  When there are children involved, it's especially damaging to their emotional health and well-being. Children need stability and consistency.  Young children are naturally egocentric and believe that if one of their parents leaves, it must be their fault.  Over time, feeling abandoned by a parent can lead to poor grades in school, behavior problems and drug and alcohol problems.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're in an on-again/off-again relationship, you probably realize how damaging this is to your sense of self.  

Even if you don't have a history of early abandonment issues, this type o relationship can create intense anxiety and depression as you ride your partner's unpredictable emotional roller coaster.

Being in an on-again/off-again relationship, where your spouse or partner is in control, can leave you feeling powerless.  But you're not alone.  

Many people, both men and women, have developed the emotional wherewithal in therapy to get off the emotional roller coaster so they can live more fulfilling lives

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Love: Is It Really Better The Second Time Around?

Is love really better "the second time around," as Frank Sinatra says in his song.  

As a therapist, who has worked with individuals and couples who have rekindled relationships with exes, I've seen couples who were able to successfully reconnect and work out their differences.  I've also seen couples who got back together after a breakup and tried to work out their differences, but they continued to have the same problems.  So, it all depends on the two people.

Love: Is It Really Better the Second Time Around?

Going Back into the Relationship the Second Time Around with Your Eyes Wide Open
When you go back into a relationship that ended because the two of you couldn't or wouldn't work out the problems, you're going back in (unless you're in denial) with your eyes wide open.  You both know what the problems were, how you tried (or didn't try) to work things out and that it resulted in a breakup.  You know what you're up against and, for whatever reason, you and your partner or spouse feel you have the wherewithal to overcome the problems this time.

Reasons Not to Get Back Together
People often get back together again because they still love each other.  It might not be that heady "in love" feeling they had for each other when they first met, before the problems started.  Usually, it's a more mature love, and the feelings are strong enough that each person feels it's worth the emotional risk to try again.  But there are also reasons not to get back together:

• You're too afraid to move on and meet someone new.
• You feel "the devil you know" is better than "the devil you don't know."
• You're "use to" your ex and don't want to have to go out and meet someone new.
• You heard your ex started dating someone new and you couldn't stand the thought of it.
• You lack confidence to date again.
• You feel you don't deserve anyone else.
• You're afraid you'll never meet anyone else new.
• You feel you should get back together again "for the sake of the kids."

I'm sure there are lots of other reasons not to get back together again, but these are some of the reasons I've heard from clients who mistakenly return to their ex, only to discover that nothing has changed.

Simply Saying "We're starting over again" Doesn't Solve Your Problems
If you and your spouse or partner had serious problems that led to your breakup, just saying, "Let's start over again" doesn't automatically resolve all your problems.  I know this might sound very simplistic, but I've heard couples in couples therapy tell me that they think they can just "put everything behind" them and "start over" without doing any work on their relationship.  It's not surprising that I hear from these same couples a few months later that they're still having the same problems as they did before the breakup.

Being in a relationship is not like playing a game where people call out, "Do over" and everything is erased.  You might want to "put everything behind" you, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a history of problems, and hurt, resentment and anger that led to the breakup.  Avoidance, in terms of working out these problems, isn't going to magically make them go away.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you weren't able to work out your problems the first time without couples counseling and you want to give the relationship another chance, you owe it to yourself and your relationship to get professional help this time.  

A skilled couples counselor, who is objective, can help you navigate through the difficult emotional problems in a way that's often not possible to do on your own.  

By participating in couples counseling you both can also learn relationship skills that you might not have had before and that might make the difference between your relationship succeeding or not this time.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more but me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping With Workplace Stress: 5 Things You Can Do to Reduce Your Stress at Work

I've been hearing more and more from clients and friends about how excessive work demands have been taking a toll on their stress levels.  With fewer employees, companies are expecting the remaining employees to pick up the slack and, often, ask them to take on  the duties of two or more former employees.  This often causes a lot of stress and fatigue, so that even when they're home with their loved ones, they're too tired and stressed out to spend quality time with them.

Coping With Workplace Stress

Consider the Consequences of Stress to Your Health and Personal Relationships
Before you sign on for extra work projects, it would be wise for you to consider the consequences of taking on this extra work and stress to your health and your personal relationships.  An optimal amount of stress (whatever is optimal for you personally) can help you to focus and accomplish tasks.  But when stress is excessive, as it usually is when you're taking on too many work tasks, it can compromise your immune system.

Over time, if you get little or no relief from the stress, it can cause you to develop stress-related illnesses like headaches, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), high blood pressure, heart problems and other chronic illnesses.

5 Things You Can Do to Reduce Stress at Work

• Go out for a short walk: This sounds so simple, but it can really make a difference to go out for a short walk (longer, if you can) to get away, even for 10 or 15 minutes from work stress.  Rather than having lunch at your desk and trying to do work, take a break and go out.  When you come back, you'll feel refreshed.

• Take a nap at lunch time:If you have your own office where you can close the door, set an alarm for 20 minutes or half an hour at lunch time and take a nap.  Taking a nap in the middle of the day can do wonders to help you feel revived.  People who take a short nap during the day usually feel revived after their nap, and they can approach their work with more energy.

• Listen to a guided meditation recording: There are so many different guided meditation recordings that you can download from the Internet.  I usually recommend that you set an alarm before you listen to the recording to make sure that you don't snooze away the rest of the day.  Guided meditations can help you to feel that you've gotten away for a while from your work environment, at least, on an emotional level.

• Get up, stretch and breathe: Rather than sitting hunched over your desk the entire day, get up at least once every hour or so and stretch.  Even simple stretches can help to relax tense muscles so you feel less stressed out.  When we're very stressed out, we sometimes breathe in a very shallow way.  When  you get up to stretch, check out whether you're taking full, relaxing breaths when you breathe or if you're taking shallow breaths.  Make a conscious effort to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and help you to relax.

• Learn to say "no" when you can: This can be a tough one.  You know your boss and your work environment.  If there are times when you feel you can say "no" without jeopardizing your job, learn to say "no" at those times.  If you always accept extra assignments, the expectation will be that your boss can continue to overload you with extra work all of the time.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Is It Love or an Infatuation?

Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can be tricky.  Often, love starts out with that same heady feeling you get when you're infatuated with someone.  

You might spend all day fantasizing obsessively about the other person, forget to eat, dream about him or her at night, and talk incessantly about this person to your friends.  

But, the main difference is that if it's really love and by this, I mean mature love, over time, it will develop into more than just an obsession and it will be reality based.

Is It Love or Infatuation?

What is Reality Based Love?
What do I mean by "reality based" love?  Well, when you're infatuated with someone, the other person might not even know that you exist.  If you're infatuated, the fact that he doesn't even know you, won't stop you from thinking about him all the time.  But when it's really love, it's based on mutual feelings that you've developed together for each other as you get to know each other.  That's what makes it reality based.

Why?  Because you can't really be in love with someone that you don't know, no matter how intensely you feel your feelings.  And it takes a mutual love relationship to get to really know someone--not just your fantasy of who you think this person is.  If your feelings are for someone relatively new to your life, it can't be one sided and still be considered mature love.  I know some people might disagree with me about this, but I think this is important when you're trying to figure if it's love or infatuation.

Spending time together is important so you get to know each other over time rather than getting carried away with who you each think the other person is in your fantasies.  An infatuation can fizzle out if the person that you fantasized about turns out to be a completely different person.  Then, you know your feelings were for the fantasy rather than the actual person.

Mature Love Grows Over Time as Compared to Infatuation
Mature love usually keeps growing over time, assuming it's nurtured.  Mature love is more stable usually and will be more likely to survive the test of time and life's challenges better than infatuation.

Whereas infatuation often has a painful emotional element to it, especially if the feelings are unrequited, mature love, where there is mutuality, makes you feel good about yourself most of the time.  That doesn't mean that you'll always be happy with this other person.  But, generally, speaking, when it's mutual love, rather than infatuation, its a more positive experience most of the time.

Does This Make Infatuation a Bad Experience?
No, not necessarily.  It depends.  If you can enjoy the feeling of being infatuated and it adds a certain passion and aliveness to your life, these feelings can have positive consequences, as long as you have realistic expectations and understand that it's not love.  Feeling alive and passionate might lead to your making positive changes in yourself and in your life.

If you have unrealistic expectations, as mentioned before, it can be a painful experience.  Obsessions can be hard to deal with over time. They can cause you to neglect important areas in your life as you spend most of your time and mental energy focusing on the object of your infatuation.

It all depends on your attitude.  If you can maintain a healthy attitude about your infatuation, it can be a fun time and you can open you up to new experiences, possibly, even to a mature love the next time around.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

All You Need is More Than Love

Often, when people fall in love, their attitude is that, like the Beatles song, all they need is love.  Being in love and passionate for each other can take you along for a while--maybe even the first two years of a relationship.  Then, it soon becomes obvious that you need more than just love to have a successful relationship.

All You Need is More Than Love

Here are a few other important factors, beyond love, that contribute to a happy relationship:

Respecting Each Other:  If you love each other, but there are times, let's say when you're angry, that you speak and act disrespectfully to each other, after a while, love alone isn't going to carry you through. Disrespect can take many forms:  a contemptuous look, name calling, cheating on your partner, lying, etc. It's important that when disagreements come up, as they inevitably do in serious relationships, you both remember to be mutually respectful to one another.

Learning to Compromise: Falling in love and feeling passionate for one another is great, but relationships also call for compromise at times.  If you and your partner haven't learned the give-and-take that is part of any long-term relationship, more than likely, you'll soon be embroiled in arguments and power struggles where each of you is trying to get your way.  Both people need to know how to compromise so it's not just a one-way street with one person doing all the compromising.

Having Similar Core Values and Outlook on Life: When you fall in love, it might be due, in part, to a sexual attraction or you enjoy similar activities, but it's also important for the health of a long-term relationship that you have similar core values.  You don't  need to agree about everything, but for the things that are most important to each of you, it's important to have similar values.

There Are Exceptions:
Now, I know there are couples who have long-term relationships where they don't have similar core values.  But they're the exception rather than the rule.  For instance, if your religious faith is important to you and you know you will only be happy with a partner who shares the same faith, don't think that overlooking this in a partner will work or, worse still, that you'll convert him or her to your faith.  It can happen, but more often than not, it doesn't.

If you know you won't be happy unless you have children and your partner doesn't want kids, don't overlook this.  You might feel resentful in the future.  There are so many other examples of this, whether it involves attitudes about money, politics, families, etc.  So, be honest with yourself and your partner at the beginning of the relationship.

All You Need is More Than Love
When you first fall in love, you might not want to think about respect, compromise or core values.  It's easy to get swept away on a tidal wave of love and think that "love will conquer all" and other cliches about love.

And maybe you and your partner will be one of the exceptions that I've discussed, but chances are you won't be.  So, don't ignore some of the red flags that might come up early on about these issues if you want a long-term relationship.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.

Can a Long Distance Relationship Survive?

There are many couples who are in long distance relationships.  Long distance relationships occur either by choice or, more often, of necessity.  Having a long distance relationship can be a challenge, but if you're honest with yourself and your partner, you each know what you want, you set up certain parameters for yourselves, you make an effort to make time for each other, and you're willing to renegotiate with each other if it's not working out, it can work out. 

Can a Long Distance Relationship Survive?

It Makes a Difference If It's an Established Relationship vs. a New Relationship
Of course, it makes a difference whether you've been together for a while and you have a loving, trusting relationship vs. trying to have a long distance relationship when you've just met each other.  For established, stable relationships, there are still challenges, but you have a foundation of love and trust to see you through, especially if your time apart is limited to a specific period of time.

Knowing that there are challenges ahead, here are some guidelines that can be helpful:

• Be Honest With Yourself and Your Partner Before You Enter Into a Long Distance Relationship: If you've just met someone who lives a plane ride away and neither of you plans to move to the other's city, consider whether you want to be in a long distance relationship.  Only you know what you need.  If you know you like having your romantic partner around to cuddle with every weekend and your long distance relationship will only permit for occasional visits with each other, you need to communicate this.  Likewise, you need to be able to hear this from this new person in your life.  It will probably get lonely at times, especially if you've decided to be monogamous with each other, so you need to know this in advance and have realistic expectations.

• Be Clear About the Status of Your Relationship: This brings me to another issue that couples in this situation often don't discuss:  Be clear about what each of you wants from this relationship.  Are you dating this person as well as others?  Are you exclusive with one another?  Knowing this in advance can save a lot of heartaches if you're each on a different wave length. Of course, if you're married, that's usually a different story, unless you have an open relationship.  Still, you don't want to assume that you're both on the same page when you might not be.  Communication is key to help avoid misunderstandings.

• Make Time For Each Other: With the advent of Skype and Face Time, you can, at least, see one another when you talk, assuming these services are available to both of you.  You're going to have to be better organized than couples who live near each other about making time for each other.  It will require some planning, so don't assume that the other person will be available spontaneously when you're ready to see each other online, especially if you're in different time zones.  While you're making time for each other, it often helps to have some shared activities that you can both engage in at the same time.  It might mean setting up a Skype session while you're each having dinner or engaging in other activities, if possible.  Shared activities, even at a distance, can help bridge the gap.  No, it's not as good as having the person right next to you, but it can help.

• Plan Visits In Person With Each Other: If possible, plan some in person visits to spend quality time together.  As much as  possible, when you're together, avoid other distractions so you can dedicate the precious time you have to each other.  You want to make the most of the time you have together. You will probably need to negotiate who will come when and how often.

• Be Aware that Unrealistic Romantic Fantasies in New Relationships Are Often Part of the Long Distance Experience: When your in a new relationship that is a long distance relationship, thinking about each other and looking forward to the next Skype call or the next rare visit, you could fill the gaps with romantic fantasies about who this person is and how it would be if you were living together in the same location.  When a new relationship is a long distance relationship, you miss out on the day-to-day interactions that can tell you so much about the other person and how the two of you would be together.  Let's face it--you won't know each other as well as compared to if you were living near each other.  It's easy to imagine that the two of you would be perfect living together, and maybe you would be.  But recognize that, even with occasional in person visits, the relationship remains in that exciting, fired up, in love stage longer than it would if you were living in the same location and seeing each other more often. "What's wrong with that?,"you might say.  There's nothing wrong with it per se.  It's just that that the heady, in love stage isn't the basis for a long term relationship.  When you get beyond this stage and you're in a more mature loving relationship, you have a better sense as to whether the two of you would be good living together or married.  Once again, I do know of instances where it worked out just fine.  But knowing in advance that this might be a pitfall can help you avoid mistakes.

• Be Willing to Re-Evaluate Your Long Distance Relationship If It's Not Working:  Over time, be willing to re-evaluate your long distance relationship.  Is it working for each of you?  If you're married and, for instance, one of you took a job in another city out of necessity and this doesn't look like a short term arrangement, consider if one of you can move to the other city (or country), especially if your current arrangement isn't working out.  More and more couples are having to make these decisions for economic reasons, a lack of jobs in certain fields or military service.  So, you're not alone. If you're married and you've both decided that you'll deal with the challenges of a long distance relationship for only a certain period of time, consider your priorities.  If finances make it so that you don't have a choice right now other than to have a long distance relationship, think about what you each can do to make it easier.  Keeping in mind the long term goal can be helpful.  It will take time and effort.  But, often, when couples go through challenges and come out of it successfully on the other side, their relationship is stronger.  Only you know your relationship and what you and your spouse can deal with in terms of a separation.  If the relationship is new, you each might have thought originally that a long distance relationship would work out between you.  But if one or both of you feel it's not working and there aren't any changes you can make to improve the situation, you might need to consider that, at this point in time, you can't be in a relationship together--even if you love each other.  Sometimes, timing really is everything and this can be frustrating.  Maybe if you had met at a different time and under different circumstances, it might have worked out.  But it's better to acknowledge what's happening than pretending that it's working out when it's not.  Communicate your feelings, be honest, compassionate, and tactful.

We Don't Always Fall In Love With "the Girl or Boy Next Door:"
Love can be mysterious, and we don't always fall in love with someone who lives conveniently nearby.  So, at some point, you might find yourself in a long distance relationship.

Whether you choose to be in a long distance relationship or it's occurring out of a necessity, being aware of the potential pitfalls can help you to plan and overcome them.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Healing from the Inside Out: Why Insight Isn't Enough

Traditionally, psychotherapy has focused on helping clients understand and develop insight into their problems.  While insight is an important first step, for many emotional problems, insight isn't enough to bring about change.

Healing From the Inside Out: Insight Isn't Enough

For many years, this bias in psychotherapy--that developing insight is the key to change, has been very frustrating to clients because it hasn't led to change for them, especially when the problem involves trauma.  This is because the insight is only on an intellectual level and the client doesn't feel it on an emotional level.

This can leave clients feeling that, beyond their original problem that brought them into therapy,  there must be something very wrong with them that they can't, somehow, use this insight to bring about the change that they want.  In some cases, it can be almost as traumatizing as the original problem.  Very often, at that point, the therapy reaches an impasse because the therapist has used everything he or she knows to try to help the client.

Somatic Experiencing and EMDR Therapy
My experience has been that Somatic Experiencing (SE) and EMDR, often in combination with psychodynamic psychotherapy, can be much more effective than just talk therapy alone.  With SE and EMDR, clients usually have a more integrated experience where their understanding is not just an intellectual insight, but they can feel it on an emotional and visceral level.  Also, prior to doing the actual processing in SE or EMDR, the therapist helps the client to develop internal resources to cope with the upcoming processing and to develop the ability to contain the experience on an emotional level.

I have many psychotherapy clients, who have had a lot of prior experience with therapy and who can explain their problems with clear intellectual insight, but who haven't been able to use those insights to make the changes they want in their lives.  Using either EMDR or SE, whichever works best for the client, they've been able to heal and make changes because the healing is coming from the inside out, from the bottom up, rather than just being a top-down, intellectual experience.

There's nothing magical or immediate about EMDR or SE.  There are also no guarantees.  Both of SE and EMDR involve a willingness to do the therapeutic work.  Aside from using EMDR and SE, I also encourage my clients, where necessary, to take practical action steps in their lives to bring about change.

Whether you're someone who has had a lot of prior experience in therapy or someone who is new to therapy, you owe it to yourself to consider SE or EMDR to help you resolve your problems.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experience therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Your Emotional Blind Spots

Emotional blind spots are often aspects of ourselves that we're unable to see, but other people, especially people who are close to us, can see.  The problem with emotional blind spots is that they often keep us making the same mistakes over and over again or they affect our loved ones in ways we never intended.

Overcoming Your Emotional Blind Spots

The following composite scenario is an example of an emotional blind spot.  As a composite of many cases, it preserves confidentiality.

Mary
Mary never knew her father when she was growing up.  It was a family secret.  When other young children talked about their fathers, she felt sad and wished she had a father too.  

It wasn't until she attended the funeral of a family friend, when she was in her mid-20s, that she found out, inadvertently when she overheard people talking, that this "family friend" was actually her biological father.  He was always nice to her, and she was very fond of him.  

Mary was shocked and very sad to discover that she never had a father-daughter relationship with him. When she confronted her mother about it, her mother refused to discuss it, so Mary vowed that she would never do this to her future children.

When she became pregnant from a man that she had only been dating for a few months and had already broken up with because he was unreliable, she decided to have the baby and allow him to be involved in the child's life, just as most fathers would be.  But the child's father continued to be unreliable and continually disappointed their daughter by not showing up.  The child, who looked forward to seeing the father, was always disappointed and hurt.

Mary's mother and sisters tried to talk to her about how damaging this was to Mary's daughter, who was now seven.  But Mary kept insisting that it was important for her daughter to have the father in the picture.  Due to her own unresolved needs, she continued to try to keep the father involved, and he continued to disappoint the daughter.  Mary couldn't see that her emotional blind spot and her own unresolved childhood issues kept her in denial and were emotionally damaging to her daughter.

As a teenager, when Mary's daughter refused to see her father any more, Mary felt very upset.  All of her friends and family told her that her daughter's decision was an emotionally healthy decision because the father always disappointed her.  Mary had a hard time seeing it--until a close friend tactfully suggested that Mary might have an emotional blind spot about this issue and suggested that Mary see a therapist.

Somewhat hesitantly, Mary started therapy and when her therapist also pointed out her emotional blind spot, Mary began to deal with her own loss and realized that it was affecting her ability to see what was best for her daughter.  She grieved for the father she never had and, over time, she freed herself from this emotional burden that was starting to drive a wedge between her and her daughter.

Emotional blind spots are often hard for us to see on our own.  They usually involve aspects of ourselves, our lives or our loved ones that we're in denial about.  One clue that you might have an emotional blind spot, which is unconscious, is when you keep finding yourself in the same situation over and over again.

An example of a possible emotional blind spot is if you keep choosing romantic partners that have problems with alcohol or who are abusive.  If you continually find yourself in these types of situations, it's worth exploring if you have an emotional blind spot.

Getting Help in Therapy
Working through your emotional blind spots with a skilled, objective therapist usually gets you a lot further than trying to deal with emotional blind spots on your own.  Once you're free of the emotional blind spots that cause you to keep making the same mistakes, you have a chance for a much more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more abut m, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

An Emotional Dilemma in a Relationship: Wanting and Dreading Love

Many people, who have experienced childhood trauma, come to therapy because they feel stuck and confused when it comes to romantic relationships.  They often feel highly ambivalent about the possibility of having an intimate connection to another person.  

An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love

On the one hand, they might be very lonely and long for someone who would love them and that they could love.  On the other hand, they might also feel extremely frightened of allowing themselves to be that emotionally vulnerable.  And therein lies the dilemma.

Early Attachment Problems Can Cause Problems in Relationships Later On
Usually, people who go back and forth between wanting and dreading a deep emotional connection experienced emotional attachment problems with one or both parents or caregivers.  Based on infant research, we now know how important early attachment is to having a healthy emotional life and being able to form intimate attachments with others.

When parents are either emotionally unreliable, neglectful, abusive, depressed, or emotionally unattuned to their young children, these children are more apt to grow up feeling emotionally insecure and vulnerable about forming relationships.  It's hard for them to trust.  They're very afraid of getting hurt or being emotionally abandoned again.  As a result, although they might feel very isolated and lonely, it's often difficult to allow themselves to open up emotionally to others.

An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love

Fear of Opening Up in Therapy
Often, people who struggle between wanting and dreading an intimate connection find it difficult to come to therapy to get help for this issue.  Coming to therapy means opening up and taking a risk with a therapist, which means allowing themselves to be vulnerable.  How do they know they can trust the therapist when they couldn't trust their own parents?  It's a dilemma.

For many people who somewhat overcome their fear to come to therapy, at least enough to come to a first session, their experience is often one of being hypervigilant--waiting to see if there are any signs that the therapist will betray or hurt them in some way.

A skilled clinician, who has worked with clients on developmental attachment problems, will know not to take it personally.  She would know that she must take her time to help the client to form a therapeutic alliance over time to build a rapport and trust.

Many clients, who suffer with developmental attachment issues, find it difficult to sustain treatment, and they leave after a few sessions.  Often, they give another "reason" for leaving therapy--money or time issues, never revealing that it's their dread of opening up that's making them want to flee from treatment.

For clients who can sustain treatment with therapists who have expertise in working with attachment issues, if they can allow themselves to build a rapport and trust with the an empathetic therapist, over time, they can also learn to form trusting and loving relationships outside of treatment.

This is the kind of therapeutic work that takes time.  A client, who has a fear of getting close to others, can't be rushed into overcoming his or her fear.  Each client is different and, if there is progress in treatment, it will probably be a process where it is two steps forward and one step backward due to the high level of ambivalence and fear.  There is also usually a lot of underlying shame of feeling "not good enough" or "not lovable."

Getting Help in Therapy

Wanting and Dreading Love:  Feeling Lost?  Get Help

My experience has been that using a combination of Somatic Experiencing, psychodynamic psychotherapy, resourcing (i.e., helping the client to develop better coping skills and an increased capacity to tolerate vulnerability) along with an expertise in developmental attachment issues, is often the most effective way to help clients to overcome the dilemma of longing for love and dreading it at the same time.

About Me:
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more abut me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Somatic Experiencing: Overcoming the Freeze Response Related to Trauma

Fight or flight is the response that most people associate with trauma. Most people are less familiar with the freeze response as a reaction to trauma.  But, in fact, freezing in fear is  another typical response associated with trauma.  The freeze response is also known as dissociation.

Somatic Experiencing: Overcoming the Freeze Response Related to Trauma

The following composite scenario is an example of a traumatic freeze response and how Somatic Experiencing, a mind-body oriented therapy, can help.  As always, in my composite examples, all identifying information has been changed to protect confidentiality:

Jan:

A senior manager at Jan's company had shown a sexual interest in Jan for several months.  He called her several times and sent her email to ask her out on a date.  Even though she didn't report to this manager, she feared she would get in trouble if he thought she was being rude towards him, so she always turned him down politely and tried to avoid him.  

Over time, this manager became more flirtatious in his calls and email, and this was making Jan increasingly anxious.  Every time she had to use the elevator, she was vigilant that he was not inside because she didn't want to be alone with him.  She knew about the company's sexual harassment policy and that his behavior would be considered sexual harassment, but she was too afraid that she would be blamed somehow for his behavior.

One day when she was alone in the office pantry, this manager entered the room and he said in a flirtatious tone, "Alone at last.  You've been avoiding me."  Jan was in the corner of the room and she froze in fear.  She wanted to leave the room, but she felt as if she was paralyzed and frozen in place.  Her heart was racing, she felt on the verge of tears, and she couldn't understand what was happening to her.  

Fortunately, a colleague came into the room and the senior manager left.  The colleague approached Jan and said, "Are you all right?  You look white as a ghost."  Jan, finally able to move, excused herself, went into her office, closed the door, and burst into tears.

Jan began therapy shortly after that incident.  She revealed a history of sexual molestation by an uncle starting when she was five years old.  According to Jan, when she told her mother, her mother blamed Jan and told her that she must have done something to provoke the uncle into molesting her.  Jan's response was to blame herself, as children often do.  And, even though her parents severed their ties with the uncle, they blamed her for the problems.

Therapy began with emotional resourcing whereby Jan began to develop enough self confidence that she was able to report the senior manager to the company's Equal Employment Officer.  His email alone incriminated him.  During the EEO investigation, other women also revealed that he was also sexually harassing them, and he was terminated.

There were many parallels between the original sexual abuse when Jan was a child and the sexual harassment she experienced as an adult at work.  So, an important part of Jan's therapy, which was the mind-body therapy known as Somatic Experiencing, was for Jan to learn to distinguish "then" from "now."  

In other words, whereas her initial freeze reaction to the senior manager triggered the original trauma from her childhood, leaving her feeling like a child, she learned to separate (or "uncouple" in Somatic Experiencing terms) her childhood experience from her adult experience.  This alone was an empowering experience.  She not only knew on a cognitive level that she had more power now than she did as a child, but she felt it on an emotional level.  

Somatic Experiencing is a Mind-Body Oriented Trauma Therapy  

Using Somatic Experiencing, over time, Jan was also able to work through the original trauma of being sexually molested.

Overcoming the Freeze Response Related to Trauma With Somatic Experiencing Therapy

In the scenario above, there is a clear connection between Jan's response to the sexual harassment at the office and the sexual molestation that occurred when she was a child.  In other cases, the connection isn't always so clear.  But, unlike regular talk therapy, Somatic Experiencing doesn't require this kind of clear connection for it to be effective.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have a history of trauma that is affecting you now, you owe it to yourself to get help to overcome the trauma so you can lead a fulfilling life, trauma free.  My professional experience as a therapist who uses Somatic Experiencing with clients who have tried, unsuccessfully, to work through trauma with regular talk therapy is that Somatic Experiencing tends to be more effective for most people.

I've included a link below for the professional Somatic Experiencing website, which provides more information about Somatic Experiencing and a directory of Somatic Experiencing therapists.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Overcoming Power Struggles

Couples often come to couples counseling because they're stuck in what I call "push-pull power struggles" that keep them constantly frustrated and at odds with one another.

What Are Power Struggles?
Push-pull power struggles can emerge in just about any aspect of a relationship.  One common example of a push-pull power struggle often occurs during arguments.  So, for example, one person might need to take time away from the other person to cool off  while his partner might feel the need to resolve the situation right then and there.

Relationships: Overcoming Power Struggles

If both people feel strongly about what they feel they need, they are at an impasse.  Rather than trying to find a compromise, each person often insists on having what s/he needs.  This just escalates the argument as one person feels crowded in while the other person feel abandoned.

Push-Pull Power Struggles and Problems With Intimacy
Intimacy, both emotional and sexual intimacy, is often another area where there can be push-pull power struggles.

Power Struggles and Problems With Intimacy

Some people need to have their "space" every so often, while others feel the need to be close most of the time.  Once again, if each person insists on having his or her way, this exacerbates the problem.  The person who needs "space" occasionally will feel hemmed in, while the person who likes to spend more time together can feel hurt and abandoned.

Childhood Histories Can Complicate Relationship Dynamics
Complicating these situations are the individual personal histories of each person in the relationship.  It's not unusual for people in relationships to experience earlier childhood trauma triggered in their adult relationships.  In the examples above, the person who might have grown up feeling smothered by a parent might feel smothered by a partner who doesn't allow him his "space."  Or, a person who needs to spend more time with a partner who needs "space" might feel old feelings of being abandoned as a child.

When old feelings are triggered, it intensifies emotions, and it's hard to distinguish how much of the current emotional reaction is due to the current situation and how much might be part of old unresolved emotional wounds.

Getting Help in Therapy
Couples counseling is a place where push-pull power struggles can be negotiated and resolved.  If you and your spouse find yourself constantly getting caught up in these kinds of power struggles, you owe it to yourself to get help so you can work through these issues and enjoy a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Traumatic Childhood Memories of Being Powerless Can Get Triggered in Adults

People are often surprised to discover that traumatic childhood feelings of being powerless can get triggered even when they're adults.  

Trauma: How Childhood Feelings of Being Powerless Can Get Triggered in Adults

Certain situations can trigger those old feelings from childhood.  Whether it's a work situation with a domineering boss or a relationship with a spouse who is a bully or other similar situations, these feelings of helplessness, fear, rage, and sadness can arise unexpectedly.

The following scenarios, which are composites of many different cases to protect confidentiality, are examples of how these traumatic emotions can get triggered in an adult:

Pete:
Pete's boss, who was the company bully, tended to be domineering and demeaning with everyone who reported to him.  Most people knew from experience that his "bark was worse than his bite" and they didn't take his reprimands seriously, especially since he behaved this way with all of his subordinates and nothing ever came of it.  Rationally, Pete was also well aware of this.

Trauma:  How Childhood Feelings of Being Powerless Can Get Triggered in Adults

But whenever the boss called him in, Pete would tremble in fear and he found himself close to tears.  He couldn't understand why he had such a severe reaction--until he began therapy and he learned that these situations with his boss were triggering traumatic childhood memories of being abused by his father.

Mary:
Mary married Alan because he was older and she felt he would take care of her.  But after the first few months of marriage, she began to see a different side of Alan that she had never seen before.  Whenever Alan got frustrated, he would lose his temper and raise his voice with her.  Not only was Mary surprised to see Alan react this way, but she was also surprised at her own reaction to his anger--she would freeze in her tracks.  She felt immobilized and unable to speak.  Part of her wanted to hide or make herself invisible.  It was only after she began therapy to understand her reaction that she realized that earlier traumatic feelings were being triggered of when her alcoholic father went into a rage and, as a child, she hid in the closet.

Trauma:  How Childhood Feelings of Being Powerless Can Get Triggered in Adults

These are just two of many examples of how childhood feelings of being powerless can get triggered in adults--often without warning.  When this happens and people don't understand what's happening to them, it can feel scary and confusing.

What most people often don't realize is that, even though they're adults now, these traumatic emotions are stored in the body and are there to be triggered in current situations.  The feelings can feel just as real now as they did in childhood.

Somatic Experiencing
Somatic Experiencing is a gentle form of mind-body psychotherapy that helps adults to develop emotional resources and work through the original trauma so that it is no longer there to be triggered.

During Somatic Experiencing people also discover the types of unconscious psychological defenses that they've developed to ward off these traumatic feelings.  As shown in the composite scenarios above, these psychological defenses aren't always adequate to defend against these feelings, which is why people are often triggered.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you think you're currently getting emotionally triggered as an adult by unresolved childhood trauma, you owe it to yourself to get help so you can live a fulfilling life free of trauma.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I've helped many adults to overcome trauma so they can lead fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Psychotherapists Listen to Their Clients

Psychotherapists in training often feel they should immediately know and give advice to clients who present in therapy, especially with clients who are upset during the first session.  In situations where new clients come in very upset, sometimes even demanding, "Tell me what to do!,"it's better to help clients to get emotionally grounded, and not fall into the trap of giving advice with potentially disastrous results.  

Psychotherapist Listening to Client

The Therapist's Experience of Getting Comfortable with "Not Knowing"
Fortunately, for most therapists, getting comfortable with "not knowing" during the initial stage of treatment gets easier with time and experience.  Rather than assuming that they're supposed to know immediately what's best for clients, skilled therapists know that they need to listen and learn about the client from the client rather than adhering to any particular theoretical orientation.

Even though the client might not get "the answer" from the therapist, this doesn't  mean that the client doesn't experience emotional relief during the initial stage of therapy. A skilled therapist knows how to create a therapeutic "holding environment," which often, in itself, brings emotional relief.

When the Therapist is Tempted to "Rescue" the Client 
When therapists feel pulled to "rescue" the client, who is not a danger to himself or others, this urge to "rescue" is potentially important information about what might be going on unconsciously in the consultation room with the therapist and client as individuals as well as dynamically between them.

This can happen to even to the most seasoned therapist.  Experienced therapists usually recognize it more readily than psychotherapists in training.  If a therapist finds it happening a lot with particular clients, it's best to obtain clinical supervision, talk to experienced colleagues or address the issue in her own therapy or all of the above if it's a big problem.

It's also important to recognize that not every therapist is for every client (see the link below for my article on "How to Choose a Psychotherapist").

Listening, Learning and Becoming Attuned to the Client
It takes more than one or two sessions for a therapist to get to know and become attuned to a client.  No matter how experienced, a therapist can't assume that she knows what's best for the client without first listening to and learning from the client, except, of course, in cases when a client is in a dangerous situation or a harm to himself or others.  (Then, it's important to know how to handle a psychiatric emergency and determine if the client is in the right level of care.)

Clients Are Looking For Answers
Clients are, understandable, looking for answers to their problems.  Why else would they come to therapy?  If they've never been in therapy before, they might equate the therapy session to a medical exam with their doctor.

During medical exams, unless further tests or consultations with specialists are needed, a doctor often gives a diagnosis and prescribes a course of treatment in one session.  In a day or so, the client might be feeling better.  But the human psyche is much more complicated than taking a pill, and it's rare that a therapist can help a client to resolve a psychological problem in one or two sessions.

What new clients might not understand, and what therapists need to help clients to understand, is that the therapist isn't there to give advice or tell the client what to do.  And even if the therapist was willing to give advice to a new client, who's to say this advice would be right for the client without the client participating in the process?

What Does the Therapist Do, If She Doesn't Give the Client "Answers"?
As mentioned before, the new client often comes looking for answers to her problems.  It might be disappointing to hear that the therapist can't provide immediate answers.

No matter what type of therapy the contemporary therapist practices, basically, the skilled clinician is trained to help the client, in collaboration with the client, to develop greater insight into her problems and work through the problems--rather than telling the client what to do.  Over time, the client, who has never been in therapy before, learns to become more open and curious about her process.  She also learns to become more resilient.  And, the healing process continues unconsciously for the client between sessions.

Mistakes, Ruptures and Repair in Therapy
Of course, therapists are human and make mistakes just like anyone else.  As I've written before, when a psychotherapist makes a mistake with a client, the most important first step is for the therapist to acknowledge the mistake to the client, and make an effort to repair the rupture with the client as soon as possible (see link below for my article, "Psychotherapy:  Ruptures and Repairs in Treatment").  Hopefully, the mistake isn't egregious, the therapeutic relationship remains intact, and the work continues.

Thank goodness, the days when therapists and doctors were assumed to be almost infallible are gone.  These days, many clients are better educated about the psychotherapy process, and they're more likely to approach it as informed consumers.  They know that during a psychotherapy consultation, they're interviewing the therapist and asking questions just as much as the therapist is interviewing the client.

Patrick Casement's Book:  Learning From the Patient
When I was in my first year of psychoanalytic training in 1996, I read Patrick Casement's book, Learning From the Patient.  It wasn't part of the curriculum in the first year.  At the time, the reading list for first year psychoanalytic students was mostly works by Freud.

While I enjoy reading Freud (especially his papers that read almost like poetry) and admire his genius, as a first year psychoanalytic student in training, I didn't always find his papers helpful when I was in the psychotherapy consultation room with a new client.

Somehow, during my first year in training, I came across Patrick Casement's book and, along with the guidance of seasoned clinical supervisors, I found it enormously helpful.

Some of the concepts that Casement writes about are now incorporated in current training programs in the first year, rather than waiting for the second or third year.  I'm sure it's a relief for first year psychotherapists in training, as it was for me, to realize that it's okay, and even not helpful, to think they should know the answers immediately, and it's more important to listen and learn.

Since my early days of training, I've learned other therapeutic ways of working, aside from talk therapy, including EMDR, hypnosis and Somatic Experience.  Whichever method I use, I value listening to and learning from the client.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work in a contemporary, dynamic way in collaboration with the client.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my articles:
How to Chose a Psychotherapist

Psychotherapy: Ruptures and Repairs in Treatment

A New Relationship: Understanding the Loyalty Dilemma for Someone Whose Spouse Died

In today's Sunday New York Times Modern Love section, there's an article by Eve Pell about her relationship with her husband (see link below).  One of the things that she mentions is that when they were dating, her then-boyfriend was hesitant about making a commitment to their relationship because he still felt loyal to his deceased wife, who had died several years before.

Understanding the Emotional Dilemma For Someone Whose Spouse Died
Reading this article brought to mind how common this experience is.  Rather than getting competitive with a deceased spouse, Ms. Pell, who sounds like a wise woman, understood her boyfriend's emotional dilemma and let him know.

Understanding the Loyalty Dilemma for Someone Whose Spouse Died

Instead of feeling like his love for his deceased spouse meant more to him than his love for her, she spoke to him about it with a lot of empathy.  She acknowledged that she understood, respected his feelings for his former spouse, and reframed the issue as there being enough room in his heart for both of them.  According to Ms. Pell, her boyfriend appreciated this and, eventually, they got married.

Working Through the Loss of a Deceased Spouse
There are times when people haven't worked through the loss of a deceased spouse and it keeps them stuck.  Each situation is different.  But reading Ms. Pell's article reminded me of how conflicted a person can feel with a new love, especially when the former relationship ended because of a death.

People, who are widowed, who are still in love with their deceased spouse, often feel that it's an act of disloyalty to begin a relationship with someone new.  Their spouse might be gone, but their feelings are still very much alive.  They might feel confused and not know how to reconcile the fact that they can fall in love with someone new while still loving their former spouse.  If the new love gets jealous and makes emotional demands too soon, it can create an even bigger conflict and ruin an otherwise good new relationship.

Reframing the Love and Loyalty Dilemma
Like Ms. Pell, it's often better to take an empathetic step back, try to understand your romantic partner's emotional dilemma and talk to him about it.  When the dilemma is reframed as there being room for both the deceased spouse and the new partner, it can reduce a lot of tension and offer options that your partner might not have seen before.  Your partner doesn't need to completely bury his feelings for his deceased spouse, which wouldn't be possible anyway.  It's really not an either/or question.  He can still honor the feelings he feels for her and make room for you.

Some people, who have lost a spouse, never get over it, and they're unable to make a commitment to a new relationship.  For other people, this issue works itself out with understanding on both sides.  Sometimes, the person who is widowed needs help in individual therapy to work it out.  Other times, it helps for both people to come into couples counseling to negotiate this problem.

Either way, I found Ms. Pell's approach to this common dilemma to be a mature and refreshing approach.  Thank you, Ms. Pell, for a heart warming article.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out  more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


The Race Grows Sweeter Near Its Final Lap--Modern Love, NY Times by Eve Pell (1/27/13)