As a psychotherapist who has worked with many individual adults and couples on the issue of infidelity, I believe that the responsibility for cheating lies with the individual who cheated--not with the spouse or partner who is being cheated on.
When I work with clients on this issue, no matter what "reasons" the person who cheated gives, whether s/he blames the partner or gives some other "reason," my position is that it's essential for the person who cheated to take responsibility for his or her own actions.
If the person who cheated tries to justify the cheating by giving reasons that were stated in Ms. Olver's article, like: "I was bored" or "She was nagging me too much" or "I felt like I was disappointing her too much, so I wanted to be with someone who is new and excited about me," that's not taking responsibility. That's making excuses. It's an immature response, and if the person who cheated doesn't get beyond that, it usually doesn't bode well for the relationship.
This advice reminds me of a popular 1964 song by Burt Bachrach and H. David called "Wives and Lovers." Part of the words to this song, say:
Just like certain baseball uniform numbers are retired, I'd like this notion that women are responsible for keeping "their men" from cheating "retired" once and for all.
What do you think?
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hynotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
To set up a consultation, call me at (212) 726-1006.